Lurking in La Vida Loca

sigh..

2012-02-09T10:17:00.000-08:00

Nothing new on the homefront--kind of hard to resolve anything when you have not spoken to each other in almost 3 weeks.

I have moved past my anger and now I just don't feel anything--perhaps I have already emotionally checked out. I really need to set up some time with a counceller--but I don't have time to breathe, non the less interview or check out that kind of thing.

Does he think this is just going to "go away"--maybe if we do't talk, it will just dissappear and things will go back to normal? We share a house, but that is it--he is in the man cave or in a bedroom--we avoid each other at all costs when moving about the house...this sucks!

I have decided that one month is the limit on how long I will let this go on...and then I will issue the ultimatum....we either decide to work things out and get some help or we end things--this is not good for anyone....

The craziest thing? I have not shed ONE tear.....my anger has ruled me for 2 months...and now, when I think about things being over--it dosn't really bother me all that much. I will be ok--I have a support system--and a plan for the future if this goes to divorce--that is worked out...but why don't I cry? I think it's strange...

FML

2012-01-27T11:03:00.000-08:00

Picture it....December 2011

You start to wonder why your husband of almost 23 years starts physically turning off and putting away his laptop after 4 years of it sitting on the same end table. You start to wonder when you husband--who never had his phone on him--it always layed out on the counter on the charger--he didn't pay attention to it...now NEVER has the phone out of his site, the ringer is turned off and it's always in a pocket or in his coat. When you are around him and you hear his phone beep, but he never checks who it is or what that sound is...

He starts up tanning again in earnest...starts making plans to go out and doesn't invite you to go or is totally vauge as to where things will be and who will be there..and he goes alone.

You start to wonder when you receive more Christmas presents at one time than you have over the last 3 years......

You go to pay for cell phone bill and you notice that 15 days in your billing cycle (out of 31) that your husband is thisclose to being out of texts...and this is a guy who used to barely use 100 total in the same amount of time.....

You start to wonder when there are comments made on his Facebook page by people he doesn't work with, that are local and he's never mentioned to you.

SOOOO...as any normal person would do....I stop wondering and I start investigating.....beginning with all the texts....hmmm...I see a pattern here on a few numbers...wonders who they are....so I call....and much to my (non) surprize, it's another woman--her home phone, her cell phone and her WORK phone..all over the texting and the phone usage.....

Then you check the bank statements....hmmmmm....lunch over by her work...on a day the he is OFF--at a place that would be unlike him to eat in at....Oh and no...don't tell me it was take out becasue I saw the first charge--you know, the one they run thru before you put a tip on it? Then I saw the final charge with the tip come thru....stupid man

So you start looking into things and you see that all of his passwords have been changed for Facebook and such....you used to know them--heck he used to leave FB up and running all the time.....must be using that little FB chat feature to keep in touch with his friends(s).

He starts wondering why you are so distant......you say it's nothing while you keep on hoping that you are DEAD WRONG, but you just know in your gut that you are right.

So this goes on for a few weeks....and you cannot take it anymore--especially after you have seen the hotel reservation made for a King Suite, for 2 people (pretty dumb to leave that in your "trash" folder asshole) that he had made for when he is going out of town for something for his "hobby". So you call the gal pal and ask her what her plans are for that night--I play dumb too, like it was a wrong number and I just hang up. She totally plays dumb--but she gets a hold of your hubby to let him know that the jig is up! Nothing is said to me by him--but off he goes anyway--he comes home the same night, but what if I hadn't called and said anything? What would have really happened?

So a few more days go by and you start to get pissed, so you go pull out his computer...you look and you see that his webpage history has been cleared, all the search history cleared...everything--you even look at his trash folder--there are some pictures of interest in there, but I cannot prove where they came from--Chick posing on bikes--not this same chick mind you...but one wonders where he has gotten the ideas for me to post by his car in my heels.

I look into downloading a key stroke logger....but nothing is getting past our Antivirus or Firewall--damn me beign so efficient...but I DON"T clear my history....lets see what this does, shall we?

AMAZING, that night I get his computer shoved in my face by him...with all sorts of WTF'S! and WTH are YOU doing being thrown around.

So I just lay it on the line and ask who the hell HEATHER is.....well, that sure got things going.

Did you know that you need to share your phone number with SOMEONE who works the cashier line at your work's lunch room--not even for your comapny, so it's not like you would really get to know this person--but you really SHOULD give her your phone number...just so she can "keep in touch" and let you know how htings are going--because SHE'S only a person you see for less than 10 minutes per weekend? Really--you have formed such a strong bond only talking to this person as you pass in the lunch line...that you can call her at her other job and talk and call her on her cell? Oh what? She's married too?? OOOOOOHHHHHH,, yeah, you all must only really just be friends then....

I'M NOT FUCKING STUPID!

However, according to YOU, I am the worst person on the face of the earth because I DARE to sneak around and see what YOU are up to.....Why do I have to sneak around, why can't I jsut come out and ask you? Well, for one thing asshole, don't believe you anymore, your actions since after Thanksgiving have spoken more than your words!

If I were to trust you, you would have told me right from the beginning what was going on with your FRIEND, you tell me about evey last detail about shit I don't care about from all of your other "FRIENDS"--but this one NEVER once has been mentioned until YOU GOT BUSTED.

But I am the bitch who had ruined it all? You are DONE with ME? 23 years down the drain because I was checking up on you?

FUCK YOU!

My mother tells me that this is a very dangerous age for men...especially men who are lost and struggling to find there place again after change and chaos in their work and financial life (hmmm sound familiar?). I guess we'll have to see where this goes....

Right now, we don't even speak.....I don't know how I'll ever forgive you for the hateful things you said to me Monday night.

Summer Time and the living is easy....or not....What!, It's over????!!!

2011-08-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

Oh Summer, where for art thou summer?

You sauntered in all cold and rainy, you stayed for but a minute all hot, sticky and ugly--now you sneak away like a thief in the night. Taking all the joy and freedom with you.

School begins once again, vacations are but a memory...Fall is just around the corner....

Back to school Shopping list

2011-07-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

BEGIN RANT....

Yeah, yeah, I know--I'm a big loser for doing the back to school list--but hear me out.

DD left for 2 weeks at her grandparents house yesterday, she comes back on the 1st, has a crazy week upon her return, we then leave for Gaitlinburg on the 6th, come back on the 12th and school starts on the 22nd. (Whew--tired just typing that.)

Do you know what kind of picked over crap will be left that 3rd week of August? Yeah--that is why we went this weekend. Also, as any parent of a "tweener" will know, NOTHING is bought for the child without them picking it out themselves--you might as well just set fire to your wallet--because bringing something home without approval is a PROMISE that it will never get touched.

I digress....

TEACHERS! WTF! Why is there always one elusive item on your list every year? For me, it's TWO ERASEABLE RED pens. I can find blue, I can find black--no worries. I went to Wally World, Meijer, Office Max and Office Depot before I basically said F-THIS!

I googled them online and can get them at STAPLES--oh, but there is only ONE of them within 30 miles of my house and it's in the ghetto--with gas as high as it is, I am also not driving 25 miles for a freaking PEN.

Rumor has it that Target has them ON OCCASION--so the gal told me to just keep "checking back". Whatever. So, if my kid is the one that shows up with her 2 STANDARD red pens, you can just suck it up.

End rant

Death of an old friend

2011-06-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

I know it's been forever since I have written, but I just have not been feeling it...

Now I am feeling too many emotions to even get them down on paper/screen/interwebs..

An old friend from my MUCH younger days has been murdered. I am filled with shock and sadness at this horrible event.

He was just a normal guy...would do anything for anyone. If you needed something and he had it--it was yours. He was a simple man, worked hard all his life. He was just that type of man

He fought his demons, he raised 2 sons, he took care of his aging mother...He was just that kind of man

I remember Randy working on my Honda Civic--bitching the whole time that I bought a foreign POS and maybe I wouldn't have problems if I bought American--but he still made sure my car was safe and that I could get where I was going. He was just that kind of man...

I remember playing DartBall at the local union hall--Randy serving as our "protector" as we were some pretty naive little girls and we were always doing stupid shit--he kept us alive sometimes--I swear! He was just that kind of man...

He loved my best friend--they almost got married. Selfishly, I wish they would have, things would have been so different and her path in life might have taken different turns and I would still have her around daily. But that was not to be and now she is broken hearted...

It all changed in one night.

His youngest son's High school graduation party was going on..for whatever reason Randy went up to the gas station...some idiot was causing trouble and Randy stepped in to help. A decision that ended his life.

How does another human being look into the eyes of a person standing in front of him and slam down on the gas pedal? How does that evil drag a human being 63 feet under his van and crush him to death? How does that evil sit in a courtroom and plead not guilty during his arraignment?

How does one man destroy a family and leave 2 young men without a father? All because the evil man's son was a hot head and could not control his temper? All because the Toledo Police department didn't have enough man power on a Saturday night to respond to an assault in progress?

I just don't understand..........

God Bless you Randy...Godspeed my friend...Rest in Peace

How is it possbile....

2011-04-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

How is it possible for my DD to be 10 years old? I just gave birth to her right? She is no longer a baby, when did this happen?

Dear sweet little girl who stole my heart, you have grown into this amazing child.

So kind, so compassionate, so funny--I am filled with joy.

Your smart mouth and so much attitude-- so much like me in so many ways that it drives me crazy!

Your mannerisms, your intelligence, your smile--they overwhelm me!

Your inability to clean your room, to pick up your crap or to brush your hair--sends me to the freaking EDGE!

Your curiosity, your bravery, your ability to forgive--it makes me proud!

Your singing, you teaching smaller children, your patience--makes my heart full.

All of these things make you the wonderful daughter that you are and I am SO glad to be your Mom!

Happy 10th Birthday baby!

No time to catch up, so I stole a MEME

2011-03-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, the rules are as follows (if you are so inclined to join me either on your own blog or in the comments below):

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

Voodoo--- Godsmack

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Raise your glass--Pink

WHAT IS LIFE’S PURPOSE?

Practice what you Preach--Barry White

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Russian Roulette--Rihanna

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Rocket Man--Elton John

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

In the Name of Love--U2

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

No Scrubs--TLC

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Most Beautiful Girl in The World---Prince

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Renegade--Styx

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Pretty Woman--Van Halen

WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR WEDDING?

I love Rock & Roll--Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Halo--Beyonce

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??

Animals--Nickelback

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Folsom Prison Blues--Johnny Cash

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Don't stop til you get enough--Michael Jackon

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

One Love--Bob Marley

Wow--do I have a crazy eclectic mix on my IPod!!!

Oh My GOODNESS!!! YEAH!!!

2011-03-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

OK--it may only be exciting to me, but guess what I saw today?????

THE FIRST ROBIN OF SPRING!!! Could it be, yes, I think there just might be hope that this long hard cold cruel winter might be coming to an end.

Yes, I know it's only the middle of March and snow is still a pretty good threat around these parts, but the feeling of hope that comes with seeing that little bird just really made my day.

It's been a miserable winter around here (and I think I am getting too old to put up with this crap), but, as with all things, change happens.

I was having a really depressing morning, thinking of those suffering in Japan--the horrible images being shown on TV are enough to make me cry. The disasterous nuclear event that is happening and could affect many, many people. These are scary times! I just have such a horrible feeling about what is to come.

Then, I saw the robin. I was remind that to everything there is a season and spring brings hope and new beginnings.......

I got nothin' So here are the ABC's of ME!

2011-03-11T09:44:00.000-08:00

Borrowed from "Happy Hopefuls"

Twenty-Six (OR A-Z of Me, as some are calling it...)

1. Age: 42 (oh geez)

2. Blog Title Inspiration: I read blogs for years and would rarely comment thus the "Lurker" part and my life is crazy--so there you are

3. Chore You Hate: ANYTHING to do with the bathroom--I hate it ever so much!

4. Day at the Beach or Cozy Rainy Day? Day at the Beach--what could ever be better than the sun warming your face and your toes in the sand

5. Essential Start Your Day Item: Diet Mt. Dew. Uncaffinated Lurker makes for a miserable everyone else

6. Favorite Color: PINK!

7. Gold or Silver? I go between both, but I have been on a real silver kick for the last year or so.

8. Height: 5'5''--I am not bred from tall people...

9. Instruments You Play: My grandmother attempted to teach me the piano when I was younger, but alas, I never picked it.

10.Job Title: Project Manager

11. Kids: 1 dear daughter who I love more than anything in the world (even when she won't do anything with her hair and it's hanging in her face--end rant)

12. Live: In Ohio--but is open to offers in warmer serene climates

13. Mom's Name: Mary

14. Book Currently on Your Nightstand: My Nook is on my nightstand and it's filling up fast, but I am currently reading The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. I've had it in hard back for years, but it was not really easy to carry around so I bought it for Nook.

15. Nicknames: Don't really have any...

16. Overnight Hospital Stays? Birthing the DD--extended stay due to c-section, Gall Bladder issues that had me rushed by ambulance to the hospital and kept for observation.

17. Pet Peeve: I HATE hearing people chew food--drives me nuts.

18. Quote from a Movie: "Frankly Scarlett Dear, I don't give a damn". Best movie and book EVAH!

19. Right or Left Handed? Right.

20. Siblings: 1 sister & 2 brothers.

21. Time You Wake Up? Well, since reaching peri-menopause, I wake up multiple times a night to toss and turn and beg the Deity to go back to sleep soon. But if you want to know when I am SUPPOSED to get up--that would be about 6:45.

22. Underwear: Today I am rocking the ever so popular "just about to start" panties--roomie, comfortable, but old enough that you don't really care what happens to them (too much info?) But usually I'm just a plain old Bikini girl for everyday--sometimes a thong if the outfit requires. I hate boyshorts--they ride the wrong way and I always feel like I've got a wedge going on.

23. Vegetable You Dislike: Not a fan of celery--too stringy for my taste.

24. What Makes You Run Late: My child driving me nuts....I think she does it just to spite me. In the morning she has 2 speeds, Turtle or snail--and I'm always running behind...

25. Yummy Food You Make: I amke lots of yummy things--Homemade Mac & Chz, Lemon Chicken, Baked Ziti and a Pasta Carbonara that is out of this world!!!

26. Zoo, Favorite Animal: Giraffe--they are so serene and have the sweetest eyes.

Did someone say LAS VEGAS?? YES PLEASE!

2011-03-07T09:48:00.000-08:00

So yeah! I get to go to Las Vegas!!! #WINNING !! (Thanks Charlie for the tons of laughs this past week)
It's for work, but hubby is riding my coat tails out there, so it will be a mix of business and pleasure!!! We have not been on vacation ALONE in like forever!!

I am going out to supervise the install of 7 client booths at CON-EXPO. The worlds largest construction trade event!!!!!!!!!! Um--ok. Is this the best I can get?

I'm not complaining--because hey,I GET TO GO TO VEGAS!, but isn't there something a leeeeettttllle more glamorous than hard hats, cranes and scaffolding that I could be getting a behind the scenes look at? No? OK! I guess when you live and work in the rust belt, it's part of the deal right?

Anyway....booking the airfare was a SHOCK! YIKES! Last time we were in Vegas (for BFF's wedding), it cost like $150.00 round trip for a ticket. This time: $615.00!!! and that is before the baggage charges. Sent my heart into complete failure! Thank the deity that we only have to pay for one of us to get out there. We will be staying at Harrah's--I've never stayed there, but it's central to where I will need to be working and playing, and I got a great deal on that--and an upgraded room to boot.

I didn't even give it a thought that we would be in THE VEGAS for St. Patrick's day--but I hear it can be an awful lot of fun that weekend--plus March Madness all the same time. Craziness!!!

I'm hoping to take in a good show--NO CELINE DION!--maybe one of the new Circ Shows would be cool. I just want to go out and warm my bones.....I'm sick of winter so maybe this will be a nice kick off to spring!

Anyheeww--that is all I've got going on for now....keep the Tiger blood running thru your veins and I'll catch up with you upon my return.

The "I need to get it out rant, but cannot say it out loud"

2011-02-16T10:52:00.000-08:00

I hate your bullshit...you smile to my face and shoot daggers in my back.

You think I am responsible for everything that is no longer going your way, but you are wrong.

People change and grow and just because we don't agree, I am the bad guy.

Your passive agressive ways are getting on my last nerve.

I try to communicate with you and keep you informed--you shut me out and only speak/return calls to others.

Just because it's not YOUR way, doesn't make it wrong.

Keep messing with my kid and you will pay for it dearly.

If I never have to spend another minute in your presance, I would not miss it.

I hate having to be nice to you when you are in my home.

You reap what you sew....

3 Weeks and I'm Free!!

2011-02-03T12:55:00.000-08:00

Oh how I hated wearing that stupid abdominal binder--but I have been officially freed as of this morning. Amens!! Praise Jebus!

I have been in for a check up already and my Dr. is THRILLED with how I am turning out. He swore he never would have thought that my "baby shelf" would have disappear like it did. He even checked his notes and wrote in 3 places that the shelf would remain--smaller, but not totally reduced.

So yeah for good genes and elastic skin! (He said that is what it all really comes down to)

I am really starting to see my "curves" take shape--the swelling is drastically reduced. I still have "lumps and bumps" but those are the fat deposits and "ick" that are still dissolving. They are getting smaller and smaller--I can tell the difference when I massage the areas--and the ITCHING--OMG--THE ITCHING!! It's that internal itch that you just cannot get to--it's enough to drive me insame sometimes, but that is everything healing and it totally normal according to my surgeon.

In other news, we survived Snowmaggedon 2011--we got a lot of sleet and that helped keep our snow fall totals down around here--if you consider 8" keeping it down--but we were supposed to get double that--so I'll shut up. It's now just colder than cold...so the snow is here to stay for a while.

Whilst holed up in my house for the past few days, I knitted my first hat--I used a loom and it was so fun and quick. the hat was immediately commandeered by my daughter--so I guess I'll have to make another one. I got the idea in my had that I wanted to learn how to knit--and I have taught myself the basics (Allah love the internets--you can find anything, I tell ya) and am working on 2 projects-a scarf and a baby blanket. I just didn't see an end in sight to either project and was getting discouraged, so that is when decided to try the hat thing--and wht do you know--I feel so good about completing that one thing, that I knitted almost another 6" on the blanke last night. Maybe I will get it finished by the time the baby that it's for heads off to Kindergarten!! HAHAHA!

Anyhoo---stay warm and out of trouble--if anyone out there is a "knitter", please tell me how to join "blocks" of knitting together. That I cannot figure out......grrrr.........

One week out...

2011-01-21T09:25:00.000-08:00

OK--so I am just over a week out from the SmartLipo and I have to tell you, I'm pretty stinking pleased! I still have some VERY lower ab swelling and side flank swelling around my hips--but that is where he had to do the most work.

I go on Monday for my first follow up and we'll see what he says. I have been a VERY good girl and have worn the binder RELIGIOUSLY every single stinking day. I HATE IT! I tried Spanx one day earlier this week and I honestly cannot tell you what was worse--actually, I can. The SPANX are worse. What the hell instrument of torture are those things--do people really wear them all the time? UGH--no thanks. Maybe after I am done being sore and swollen, I can use them to "smooth out", but my Deity, that thing is of the DEBIL~!!!

It's not really too bad wearing the binder at night because I get to laydown and things are all nice and tight and where they are supposed to be--but sitting up and bending over and oh, MOVING is a bit crazy when you are wrapped up like a mummy from boobs to hips. I like what I am seeing--alot, but due to the huge RACK that I have, I am either still going to look heavy or look like a porn star depending on the clothes I wear.

I have always wanted to get a boob reduction--but now I am really going to have to think long and hard about seriously pursuing it--because I cannot run around looking like Pam Anderson--it's just not a good look for a mom living in OHIO....

OK--that is your update for now...have a great weekend--keep warm...

It is done.....

2011-01-16T13:39:00.000-08:00

OK--so THE EVENT has happened. On Wednesday afternoon............. I had SmartLipo.

I did my upper and lower abs and flanks. I am 4 days post op and I can tell you that the results are already AMAZING! I am still very swollen, but I can already tell a huge difference in my shape.

I have been researching it and thinking about it since last Spring--and a conversation with a friend who had her chin done and some other work done by the same surgeon made me just decide to go for it.

I was as nervous as all get out--especially since I had to wean off the Zoloft--I was a train wreck by the time the surgery was to begin.

It took about 2 hours and I was totally awake for it--it was not painfull at all--just VERY weird feeling. The only part that really stung was the inital movement of the Lidocaine thru the area. The nurse, dr and I were talking, laughing and joking throughout the procedure--I had to put in my IPOD for the "sucking out" part because that sound was pretty disgusting. I had over 3500cc's of stuff removed. It was disgusting! Really turned me off eating for ever!

I think the worst part of the whole thing was the night and day after--so much drainage of the tumescent fluid and icky stuff--I went thru tons of pads and clothes. People kept asking what it was like--and seriously, I had to stand in a tub to change my dressings because the fluid just literally shot out of me--I had to massage it out as well and that was so gross--it literally was like breast milk shooting out. GROSS!!!

I stopped "spurting" yesterday--and only had to massage the fluid out in the morning. I am down to just having gauze pads over the 5 holes (which are TEENY). I think I will just put bandiads over them tomorrow as I am not bleeding or anything any more.

I have to wear an abdominal binder for 2 weeks--which makes it hard to breathe and move--but I want the BEST results, so I am going to play by the rules (Dr. said I could switch to SPANX if I wanted to after a week--but we'll see). I have taken nothing more than Tylenol or Advil for discomfort--it has just felt like I had a seriously awesome ab workout and am really just muscle sore. I would not call it "pain" at all.

I worked at home on Thursday--just put my laptop on my belly and did my thing--and was back in the office on Friday. I could not believe how easy this went--I expected so much worse.

I am seeing dramatic results from under the boobs to the bottom of my belly button--the lower abs and flanks are still pretty swollen--but with minimal brusing. I'm still kind of numb from the belly button down--I have "feeling", but it's like when you get a cavity filled--again, just weird.

Hubby is also REALLY surprised at how good it looks already. They say in all the literature that final results can take up to 6 months to see everything (thus, why I did it in Jan--so I am "summer ready"), but if the way I look 4 days later is an indication of how I will look a few months from now, I will be VERY happy.

I will keep you posted.....I have been taking daily pics and maybe I will have the "guts" to post them sometime--but right now, they are just for my personal journey.

If you have any questions, or want to ask me about it--feel free.....

OK--so that is the major thing I planned for myself this year so far....what could be next???

Something I hate about Facebook!

2011-01-10T06:04:00.000-08:00

ok--Facebook....

Don't get me wrong, I love Facebook, but I have an issue that I would like to address/ask your opinion about.

Scenario:

A person posts a vauge statement about something most people don't know about--then someone who DOES know about it--copies that same statement and posts it on their page--but provides no additional information.

Is this just a cry for attention from the other person? Do they post this hoping that others will bomb their page with the "OMG--what happened", "what's going on?" "I'll pray for you" kind of stuff???? I just don't get it.

My feelings are--if it's such a personal thing and you want the people involved to know you are thinking about/praying for them--why post it on your page? That is what personal messages are for. THEN...the other person who copies your statement (and even comments under your note that they are going to copy it and post it) and adds it to their wall--with no explanation? That just screams attention whore to me. It's like they are playing the game "I know a secret--and I cannot tell you"--and that is juvenile! They start getting bombed with "what happened/what's going on" and they don't respond--or they put, "I'll PM you". It should have been a PM to begin with fool!

People, Facebook is a public forum--if it's something you cannot talk about in public--don't put it "out there".

That is just my pet peeve.....thoughts?? How do you feel about it? Am I over-reacting?

Whaaaattttsssss UUUUppppppp?

2011-01-05T06:01:00.000-08:00

OK--now that we have visited 1998 with that title....

How is everyone's new year going so far? Since I didn't win the lottery, I am at work as usual--blech.

I had an odd day at work yesterday and it makes me wonder how in the hell my job can be so different from one project to another.....from Cardiovascular Excellence ....to Collegiate Crazy....to PORN! Yep--made that trip all in one day--sometimes I just shake my head at the vast variety of customers we have in our database....

Anyhew--I'm feeling a little "off", I've was sick as a dog for the whole week between Christmas and New Years--I don't wish that on my enemy...but now I am a week out from the "event" and I have had to start weaning myself off of all of my meds except for the blood pressure stuff. I think going off the Zoloft is what's messing with me...I'm just feeling weird. So, I am over stressed and under medicated--YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I'm getting very nervous about the "event". 1-I cannot believe I'm actually doing it and 2, the time from the decision to the "event" has just flown by. This is something purely for vanity and I have told maybe 4 people what is going on....I'll eventually let you all in on it once it's done. For those of you who have guessed--NO, I am not getting my boobs done (even though they need a massive reduction and "lift") That will happen eventually--once I can get the insurance to cover it. This other thing I have been contemplating for about 6 months and I just decided to "go for it". AAAHHHH!! What the hell am I doing?????

So--anything big in store for any of you this year?????

Auld Lang something or other

2010-12-29T08:21:00.000-08:00

Well friends, here we are at the end of 2010. Really? How did this year go by so fast? It seemed like winter would never end and then once March arrived, the year flew by so fast. Maybe it's me getting old, but how does it happen? How does time speed up like that? Sigh.....

This year has had it's ups and downs (less downs now that I am medicated--haha!)--outlaw troubles still abound-(-let's not even talk about how rotten they were about the holidays this year!) and I'm sure 2011 won't change that a bit. Hubby is still enjoying his job, my work is getting busier--which is a huge relief to me that it won't be going under anytime soon. I may be running about like a loon at work with so much to do, but at least I am employed and really do like 99.9% of the people I work with :)

2011 has some fun things coming and I cannot wait--I have a big event coming up in about 2 weeks that I will share with you once it happens. I'm excited, but terribly nervous as well--it's kind of a big thing and I just hope all goes smooth with it.

I don't make resolutions--it just sets you up for failure--so I will just try to be the best "Lurker Girl" that I can be once again.

I wish you all peace and happiness, prosperity and love, and most of all, a wonderful and blessed New Year!

UGH! I know, I know--major blog fail!

2010-12-08T06:54:00.000-08:00

OK--so here is my official Mea Culpa! I'm sorry for abandoning my blog for over 3 months. It's just that life is moving waaay too fast for my liking lately and time is just slip, slip slipping away....

So much has gone on since August--DD has started the 4th grade--and I'm glad she is so smart so she can teach me how to do her math homework so I can "check" it for her when she is done. What the hell has happened with Math? Since when are "estimates" ok when it comes to math? Math is finite--or at least it used to be. And Algebra already? Blah--kill me!

DD is also still doing her horseback riding lessons and loving every minute of it--she is quite good actually. Inher first competition, she won 2 blue ribbons and a 3rd and a 5th! Good job kiddo--I'm so glad she has found her "thing". She is never happier than when she is on a horse.

In outlaw news....

We survived another crazy Thanksgiving with the out-laws. I'm sure we are on the major shit list because everyone has been informed that we are not buying ANYTHING for the adult bros and siss on his side. We are taking care of his parents and the nieces and nephew--but we have just removed ourselves all together from the stupidity of the "others". We are much happier in making this decision--especially after what happened at the "after dinner meeting of the imbeciles" that comes once the Thanksgiving meal is over.

Anyone who has been reading for a while knows about the "lists" that must be provided of things you want for Christmas. Which is bad enough for the Children, but when the grown adults come with their list of greed, it's sickening. This year was banner--because no one could really come up with anything they "needed", they just decided to go thru all the ads in the Thanksgiving paper and write down what they thought would be cool to get.

WTF??????????? That is what we used to do when we were 6 years old and the JC Penny catalog showed up---not what you do as a grown up. It just makes me sick. The topper is from the husband of SIL #2. He basically asked for cash! They have no money to put clothes on their kid that fit or fix their broken down POS cars, but he wants to buy a gun (because he works in a pawn shop and feels he needs to pack some "good heat"). So he said that his number one & only thing on his list this year was a Visa Gift Card. WTF! AGAIN!

SOOO Glad we are not going to the family party this year (hubby has to work and they won't change the date or time) so I will happily send the gifts in the mail to the little kids and not give their crazy another thought!!

and in other news...

A big F-YOU to the idots at Aetna Insurance. I come home the other day to mail from them addressed to my deceased Step-Father! They would LOVE to set up a time to discuss his medicare part B needs. OH REALLY? What a nice slap in the face to get mail for him on the upcoming anniversary of his death. Thanks a lot Aetna--it's hard enough around the holidays for us, but you just keep rubbing salt in the wounds! Hubby says that I should call and set up an appointment and make them feel like shit when they come out and I present them with his death certificate. but I'm not that hateful (or am I? Hmm...) What is weird is that Bud never lived with us and the only things I had sent her with his name on them were the life insurance payouts and the death certificates--so how in the hell did Aetna get their hands on his info??? Stupid computers! Oh--and just for the record--a piece of advice--never have life insurance payouts or "final arrangment" things sent to the home of the deceased--even if that is where the benficiary lives--idiot theiving assholes of the world will "stalk" your mailbox looking for that type of crap--that is why we had it all sent to my house.

Well--since the odds are good that I will have major "fail" when it comes to this blog, I better tell you Merry Chirstmas now--may you have peaceful and blessed times in your homes this holiday season!!

Birfday Prezzie for ME!

2010-09-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

OK--so after lusting for one of these babies for a long time--and getting super jealous that my girl Kelley (and her house of Chaos) got one--I decided to give my self a little splurge and use the birthday money I got to buy myself a little piece of heaven known as: THE MINI KEURIG!!!

I am the SOLE coffee drinker in my house and I refuse to make an entire pot just for me. I love that this makes Tea and cocoa as well--because, as much as I hate to admit it, cold weather is a coming and I just LOVE me a hot cup of cocoa on a cold winter's night. Sigh--she's so pretty! I've named her Katy Keuring and she is all shiny and new on my counter. Thank you Kohls for gifting me with a 30% peel off KUUPIN to use to buy this little beauty!

Will I regret not getting the bigger one with the water reservoir--most likely not--like I said, I am the ONLY person who drinks coffee--and on the rare occasion that someone pops buy who wants one--how hard is it to pour in some more water really.

I other news, my Whirlwind trip thru Chicago for work and Indy for a wedding was wonderful. It felt good to stroll down Michigan Avenue again so soon! I really think I could live there!! If I could only afford it--ha!

The wedding in Indy was AMAZING. It was at the Skyline Club in downtown Indianapolis--the Bride was beautiful, the groom was handsome and the party was awesome! Did you know there was such a thing as a MASHED POTATO BAR???? Well friends, they had one and it was crazy. The best mashers I ever had and toppings galore to put in Martini glasses to make your own creation--it was so cool. Food stations were set up all around the club and so many options of things to eat--incredible!! Even a mini hot-dog bar for the kids who were there.

The best part was the fact that they got all the "weddingy" stuff out of the way right in the beginning and then we just had a big old party. Cake cut, first dance, toasts--all done within a few minutes at the beginning and the rest of the ight was fun, fun, fun! Best wedding I'd been to in years and years!

We also had a fun Friday in downtown Indy for the Colts Kick off party at the Circle. Not being from an area with a Major league sports team, this was quite cool to see!

Oh well--that's all I've got for now!!

Another year in the books!

2010-08-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I turned 42 yesterday. Big Fat Deal! I spent the day at a birthday party for a 2 year old--TOTALLY AWESOME! Seeing a small child really enjoy a party is way better than me sitting at home counting the ever growing crows feet that have set up camp around my eyes right? My birthday "Twin" who is my cousin's little girl is just so darn cute and I hope she had an awesome birthday too!

Hubby got me a Nook reader that I am TOTALLY in love with. It's the greatest thing since, well, the invention of the book! I've downloaded a few purchases and have figured out how to "Borrow" from the library so I'm rolling! The Nook has awesome features including free internet access (in hot-spots or off your own wireless at home), and the screen can totally be read in direct sunlight--no glare or anything. It ROCKS!

Also joining our household are 2 little African Dwarf Frogs--Harry and Lloyd. They are the cutest darn things and are very entertaining to watch. Dear Daughter fell in love with the ones the out-laws have and I figured, heck, I'm already cleaning/feeding/tending to a child, husband, dog and a fish, why not bring 2 more things home to take care of. I'm a glutton for punishment.

DD is back to school already--she started on the 19th! It's been hotter than a hell cat around here, but her modular is air conditioned so I don't have to hear too many complaints just yet. I cannot believe she is in the 4th grade already--time is just a flying by. She is still doing her horseback riding lessons and she is quite good. She is going to be in the schooling show in October which is a surprise because they say you have to have been taking lesson for at least 6 months before the let them in the show--but the instructor says she is very good and is putting her in anyway (I'm so proud!!). She has a great seat and can already "2-point in trot" without stirrups around the entire ring 1.5 times. You have to be able to do it 3 times in proper position before you can canter--so she is half way there!! She is really in her element in the ring and her love of horses is just amazing to me--no fear and I have to drag her out of the stables after lessons. Perhaps she has found her "thing"--let's hope I can continue to find the money to support it. I may have to look into plasma donations---hahah!

Off to Chicago for work next week and then down to Indy for a wedding on the weekend. I need to figure out how to get off the tradeshow floor, to the airport and changed into cocktail attire for a rehearsal dinner that starts at 7:30 when my plane doesn't even land until 8:00. I'm thinking I'm going to be late!

Would it seem odd to fly in Cocktail attire? I COULD change before I get a cab to the airport I suppose, but then I have to haul ass thru O'Hare in heels--not something I am thinking I would enjoy. Plus, I'm guessing that the "bling" on my dress would set off the alarms. UGH! I'm resigned to letting the cabbie in Indy get a free show whilst I change my clothes in the car--they do have a car coming for me--so maybe it will be a limo and I can have a BIT of privacy???? Maybe I'll skip the fab dinner at Moe's Steakhouse and just have the driver go thru McDonalds and drop me off at the hotel for some peace and quiet--that sounds better to me!!!

ANOTHER Heat Advisory??

2010-07-28T09:45:00.001-07:00

So I went out to get some lunch and, just, DAMN!

The sounds of Crickets Chirping....

2010-07-26T06:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah, sorry. I suck. That is all. I have no other excuse--just life on fast forward and no time to blog.

To recap:

Chicago was AWEsome! Had a great time, cannot wait to go back in September (but that is for work so it won't be AS great) American Girl madness, killer food, a dinosaur named SUE and me in front of the Buckingham Fountain--it doesn't get any better. Pics to come eventually--but seriously, don't hold your breath--I think they are still in the camera--haven't even had time to download them.

Horseback riding camp for the DD--she loved it and now we have been rooked into weekly lessons--yikes! Thank Allah that the grandparents are all chipping in to pay for it because otherwise--yeah, no, not in the budget darlin'

The Fourth of July--good fireworks, nice weather laid back and relaxed! Woot Woot.

DD spent all of last week and all of this coming week at the Outlaw's--this is the most time they have spent with her oh....EVER! I didn't think she would make it to be honest with you. I can hear in her voice when I talk to her that she is "over it", but she is a trouper and is hanging in there. They have been running her around and she has been playing with her cousins so this should be good for her. I will need to rent a U-haul to bring her crap home next weekend when we pick her up because the "SPOILING OF 2010" has gone on and the kid tells us everyday that she got something new. UGH! She was playing Guitar Hero at their house last night--and I KNOW FOR A FACT that they did not have it prior to my kid arriving--so I hope that is staying up there.

Work has been kicking my ass! Which is kinda good because this is normally our slow season, so I hope this means that things are turning around for us. Been training a new guy and my boss just found out she is pregnant--so let the "crazy" begin there--oh the hormones!

Upcoming events--Hubby's 25th HighSchool reunion this weekend. Should be "interesting" to see the folks he grew up with. Headed up to Bum-Fuck Michigan for the event and then off to get my girl on Sunday.

We are on the count down to back to school as well--where in the hell did summer go!!!! 3 more weeks is all that is left until the 1st day of 4th grade--yikes! I do feel proud that I have all the school supplies bought already--now it's just the clothes and shoes--ugh! I vote for uniforms!!!

OK--this set of mindless rambling brought to you by the letter "C"--as in "C" if I can update any less frequently! HAHA!

Peace out!

And we're off!!

2010-06-16T10:12:00.000-07:00

Look out Chicago--here we come!! A fun filled weekend of shopping and site-seeing await me and my girl. The American Girl store is our first stop on Thursday--with a luncheon in the store's dining room! Then let the tearing up of WaterPlace begin!

There are so many fun things we want to do--the weather is going to be good--but it's going to be freaking HOT~ Navy Pier and 95 degrees? Whew--better pack some extra deoderant!!!

My sister and I have been planning this trip for ages and I'm SO excited that it's finally here!!

We are taking the train--a first for me! I've never traveled that way and I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes. It was SUPER cheap and I don't have the headaches of driving or dealing with idiots on the road--woohoo!!!

I'll be back with updates later!!!! You all have a safe weekend!!!

Rough Night in my "neck of the woods"

2010-06-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

With all apologies to Al Roker--man what night!!!

Rain, wind and Tornados--Oh my!!! While all the major damage was about 15 miles to the North East of us, we had a wild and crazy night around here with 2 major storm systems rolling thru in about 4 hours.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I have never been in this kind of stuff in the middle of the night beofre and it's pretty scary! Daytime storms are bad enough around here, but when you cannot see what is coming at you, it gets your heart racing. We pray for the lives that were lost and thank goodness all we lost was the power for a while.

REALLY ?????????????

2010-06-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

Still nothing too exciting going on in my world, but I do have to share a little bit o'the crazy from the in-law front.

We have been sent an announcement for a GRADUATION!!!! Whose graduation you ask? Well, I'll be happy to tell you......it's for my just turned 5 year old niece-in-law (you know, daughter of crazy sister-in-law).

They are proud to announce her graduation from PRE KINDERGARTEN and will be having a party at their house for the historic event that we were ALL invited to.

Ummmm yeah....Graduation from PRE-Kindergarten?? Really? and not to be a total bitch, but she never really went to Pre-K at a real school, it was at the day care center.

If they are throwing a big backyard barbeque for this, what the hell are they going to do for the kid when she really does something important? Like graduate from KINDERGARTEN??? Throw a parade???? I wonder what the gift registration will be for that event?

Oh--did I mention that we got this announcement with the party invitation on Sat the 29th?? When is the party you ask? It was for the next day! Guess we were an afterthought.

OH! I actually do have an announcement of my own!! DD got an award from school for making Honor Roll for the entire year! Yeah Child!! She is so smart--it's scary sometimes.

I'm so proud of her--but I guess I should feel like a failure as a parent since I didn't rent out a skywriter plane to announce it publicly. I should be ashamed for saying that we would go out for Ice Cream to celebrate her awesome grades. Bad Mommy!!

Nothing Special...

2010-05-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

Hello all!

After feeling like I have been living in Seattle with all the rain we have had here over the last 2 weeks, I am SO excited that the SUN has come out and will be staying the weekend! Yeah!!

Not much going on in my world so thus the lack of posting. But I have been wondering why the hell people leave SPAM comments on people's blogs?/ It's so annoying and I really don't read Chinese or want to click on your links about the best deals on shoes or Viagra--so please don't even bother leaving that crap--I just delete it.

For the new people who stop by and leave nice comments--thank you so much--it makes my day!!

I don't watch American Idol, but since Crystal Bowersox has made the top 3, Toledo is being inundated with Crystal fever!! The American Idol crew showed up here last night and every radio station, news station, newspaper--all of it--that's all they have to talk about. I'm happy she is doing so well and I hope she wins, but really, not everyone gives a crap and wants to hear about it all day.

The BROKE City of Toledo is having a parade and a concert for her downtown today--do you think American Idol is footing the bill for all of that so they can get footage? I certainly hope so, because we cannot even afford to pay our cops to protect citizens on a daily basis--how can they afford the cost of all the hoopala that is surrounding her visit?? She will be singing at the Toledo MudHens game tonight too--I bet the MudHens are thrilled that they will be making the bucks off of her. Oh well--good Luck Crystal, I've never heard you sing, but I wish you the best.

Heard back from the radiologist--my boobs show no signs of cancer--so yeah me!!! I have, however, been sick as a dog for the last 2 freaking weeks coughing and hacking--blech, I'm tired of being sick.

That's all for now I guess--I got nothing! Seacrest out!

Pain and Suffering--it's sucks being a woman

2010-04-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

OK--I'm all for the Save the Tatas campaign and such, but there is NO WAY IN HELL that I am willingly having another mammogram! That shit hurts!!!!!!!!

It was quick and I guess the tech was good, but seeing as I have been "blessed" in the boobage department, there was no way I way getting out of there pain free.

It's SO not fair! We women birth the children, take the birth control (which involves yearly invasion of our lady bits) and now I have to get my boobs smashed in the torture chamber? Men invented ALL of this crap I tell you.

Why don't they have to do anything????? Yeah, they are SUPPOSED to go get check ups--but no one MAKES them--no one threatens to withhold their birth control prescription if they don't come in and get checked out. (hmmmmm, could I threaten to close up "the cookie shop" if he won't go to the dr?--well, that would only hurt me too I guess). It's just not right! Maybe they should have to have a "turn and cough" check up of their own every year to get a BEER license or a GOLF license--that would get them wouldn't it.

The tech showed me my boob shots--kind of interesting, I didn't see anything out of the ordinary, but then again, who am I? She did say--"Oh, don't worry, but now that we have gone all digital, the majority of people get called back after their baseline to get additional screening--just because we don't know what your boobs are supposed to look like" W.T.F.?????????????? This is supposed to give you a BASELINE of what my boobs look like--if you don't see anything out of whack--then leave me the fuck alone until next time--if something changes, we'll worry about it then.

I am just so sick off all this Dr/hospital/testing stuff--I'M OVER IT! Blech!

Quandry..

2010-04-25T15:07:00.000-07:00

OK--so it has been almost a month since I had my bloodwork done and stopped taking the Lipitor. I had not heard back from my Dr., so I put in a call to the office to get the results--guess what--they had not gotten them back! I go into panic mode--seeing as I had been off the Lipitor for a month now--what if I had to have the bloodwork done again--Oh boy, I'd be in trouble.

Well, I called and the office had to call and get the results from the testing facility themselves--they had ti, but could not give it to me directly--WTF--It's my bloodwork--idiots. Anyheew. The office gets the info and calls me back....

Mrs. Lurker? Yes, I say--whatever you are doing--KEEP IT UP! Your bloodwork came back AMAZING! My total Cholesterol is 134, the triglycerides are at 124 and my CK (Whatever the hell that is is 43). The only thing is that my iron is a touch low--but nothing to worry about. Sigh............

So, I guess the stupid Lipitor did what is was supposed to do. What do I do? I still have the script I filled before I decided to go off the stuff--so do I take it and see if the side effects come back? Or do I just keep up with the Fish oil , vitamin C and the fruits/fiber I have been eating???? I know she will want to run more bloodwork at my appointment in June---if I skyrocket back up, she will know I quit taking the stuff. I really wish I could have bloodwork done and see where I am at right now with just my diet changes, but that 's not going to happen. What to do, what to do...............

Next up in my medical world? MAMMOGRAM TIME!! Ugh--I have not had one yet and I dread it with everything I am--my mother and grandmother NEVER have had one. I decided I am going to have this ONE and then push it off for as long as I can. Cancer doesn't run in my family (except for my Dad's rare and weird thing he has going on)--it's our hearts that get us in the end--and I'm working on that. Why do I have to have my boobs smashed too?? UGH!

Happy Birthday to my little girl

2010-04-04T19:06:00.000-07:00

9 years ago today you were pulled kicking and screaming into our world. Everything changed, nothing has been the same and I am so grateful for it.

I love you baby--Happy Birthday!

Mamma says Lipitor is the "DEBIL"

2010-03-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

OK--when my cholesteral came back with a reading of "OH MY GOD", the good Dr. put me on Lipitor. OK I thought, what ever will bring it down right? But there was still this little voice inside me that said--"girlie--try it naturally first--eat more fruit and fish before you drug yourself up with more stuff."

I should have listened to my little voice.

About 5 days into taking the Lipitor, I developed an eye twitch in my right eye. I used to get them from drinking too much caffiene, but I have drastically reduced my caffiene in take since the beginning of the year--so I ruled that out, but didn't give it much other thought.--maybe stress who knows. Then about 3 weeks into the Lipitor, my back started KILLING me. I thought it was because I shoveled some heavy ass snow during our last big snow storm--but 3 weeks after the pain started, it was only getting worse--no pain relief would touch it.

I went for a regular check up and mentioned the back pain and the eye twitch to the Dr. She said that she was going to order some extra bloodwork to see what was going on--but to keep taking everything until she got the results back.

Well that was on the 9th--by the time I was scheduled to take have the bloodwork done (at the 6 week point of the Lipitor), my eye was driving me nuts and I felt almost crippled by the pain in my back. I had the blood work done and I decided to quit taking the Lipitor--screw waiting for the blood tests to come back.

Guess what?????

By day 2--no more eye twitch--it was totally gone. Today is one week later and my back pain is down to almost nothing--It was totally managable by day 4 off the pills and today I didn't even take any Aleve at all.

I refuse to take Lipitor ever again! I did some research over the weekend and found that Statins in general are causing WAY more harm than good--research is even pointing to early onset alzheimer's being caused by them.

Our body NEEDS cholesteral to repair itself--when the body is messed up, it makes more to fix it and the statins kill the CoQ10 your body needs. It's been advised to add fish oil, flax seed and TONS of vitamin C via fruits, veggies and fish (gee, didn't my little voice tell me that?) or via supplements. Since my diet does suck, I have bought the supplements and will give them a go and see how my blood work turns out the next time.

I also hereby promise to eat better and get off my butt to exercise. It's going to be hard, but I refuse to put Statins in my body ever again.

Sirrus Radio, I can't quit you--LITERALLY, I CAN'T QUIT YOU!!

2010-03-17T07:36:00.000-07:00

OK when the new car was purchased back in '08 Sirrus radio was included for 1 year for free. DH renewed the following year because they had a good deal going to stay a customer.

This last year we had nothing but trouble with the damn thing--had to get "pinged" to reset the service at least once a month--it just became irritating. Then we got the renewal notice and saw that they wanted us to pay $179.00 for the "priveledge" of having their intermittent service. Um yeah--BIG FAT NO!

Anyheeew DH called back in December to say that he no longer wanted the service, what did he have to do? He was told that it would be noted that he wanted his service discontinue and that when the bill came, just don't pay it and the service will be shut off at the end of the contract date.

Very good.

Fast forward to Feb--when the service was due to end. Sirrus is still going strong (side note--the service has been working PERFECTLY since DH called to cancel--no pings needed, no mess ups, no break up, NOTHING). We come and go past the service date--Sirrus is still working.

Last Monday night we get a call from Sirrus saying that we owe them $179.00 and it's past due.

RECORD SCRATCH--WTF!!!!!!

Dh proceeds to inform the stupid ass on the other end of the phone about the conversation he had with "Dan" back in December (yes, I still had his name--I'm anal--I keep notes on EVERYTHING). Stupid ass says--why yes Mr. Lurker, we do see that note, but "DAN" had no authority to cancel your subscription.

REPEAT WTF???????

Then why is Dan answering the damn phone at Sirrus???????? DH asked and Stupid Ass really had no answer except for: Well, I can certainly stop your service, but you will owe us for the days you have "enjoyed" our service. Yeah stupid ass, I don't think so. We are NOT paying for service that we 1) didn't ask for and 2) TOLD YOU TO CANCEL 3 months ago!

Stupid ass said that there was nothing they could do about that and we had to pay the $27.00--at that point a supervisor was asked for. "MEGAN" ended up hearing the story and said that she would just take care of the $27.00 since we had so much "trouble" and to not worry about it--but our service would be turned off immediately. We said we were fine with that--we didn't want it anyway.

A few days ago we got a notice from Sirrus--"Please renew your account with us" A special rate, just for you--blah blah blah--right in the trash it went!

YESTERDAY I get a YELLOW envelope from Sirrus with "ACCOUNT PAST DUE" stamped on it--with a bill for $27.00. FUCK ME! I get on the phone and ask to speak with "MEGAN"--she of course is not available, but "Antoine" is happy to be of help. I explain the whole damn story again and he pulls up the account--all the info is listed there--with a note saying that we owe them nothing--our balance is ZERO. Then why in the hell did I get a bill? Antoine has no idea--just throw it away. No way in hell am I throwing that away--it's covered in notes of my call with "toine".

OH! 10 days after our call with Megan, our service is STILL on!

STUPID ASSES!

Does it ever end?? and...you had it coming!

2010-03-15T06:05:00.001-07:00

OH--so in the world of "Does it ever end?"--my Dad is back in the hospital. If my Dad and I had a Facebook status, it would be "It's Complicated". The relationship is polite and pleasant, but due to "crazy" in my growing up/formative years, it can also be somewhat strained. Things have been better over the last 10 years when I decided to let him back in my life by letting him know he was going to be a grandfather--we're working on things.

Anyheew--he also has a form of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma--it's not curable, just managable. As long as the tumors can be removed, they can manage it--once it's in the bones, he's done. They do a maintenance chemo on him every 6 months or so to keep it out of the marrow--so his immune system is weak. He had to have hernia surgery back in Jan--they thought it was a simple fix, but once they got in, they found 6 tears intead of one. The night after the surgery, he crashed--stopped breathing, the whole bit--not good. He was in the hospital for a week fighting infection and a build up of fluids. They sent him home with an arsenal of antibiotics and drain tubes. He has been dealing with this for weeks--keeps getting more drugs and never seems to get better. Well, he went back to the surgeon and he took one look at his stomach and admitted him directly to the hospital. It has been determined that he has STAPH!!!! SO they are going to have to go in and clean him out--more surgery ugh! I feel so bad for him to have to go thru all of this. His wife is very good to keep us posted on everything going on and I feel bad for her too. She is a good woman and they have been thru so much since they got married, but their faith is strong and they depend on it to get them thru.

On the "you had it coming" front: DD and I had to haul our ass up to a birthday party for 5 year old niece yesterday. She is the child of "you must spend money to prove your love" sister in law. The party was fine and then it came time to open up the gifts--they opened up everything from the guests and that went fairly quickly--all the usual kid crap. THEN it came time to open up the MOUNTAIN of presents left over that were from the parents of the child--I counted 25 gifts and then couldn't see the rest and gave up. The SIL could tell that the crowd was getting bored with the over abundance of crazy going on, so they decided to have Niece-in-law open up her "BIG" gift from them. There was a huge build up to this gift--that it had to be for last, because she would ignore EVERYTHING ELSE and go nuts when she saw this thing. Well, you could have heard a pin drop in the room when it came time to open up THE BIG ONE.

They bought their 5 year old a REAL ELECTRIC GUITAR COMPLETE WITH AMPLIFIER. IT was some limited edition Disney Hannah Montana Guitar--it weighed more than the kid and she couldn't even pick it up. NIL took one look at it, turned around and started to play with the SpongeBob bath set she got--demanding that she get to play with the washcloths! God love that little kid--way to go for the dollar sponge and ignore the $200.00 dollar gift!!! Needless to say the parents were doing everything under the sun to get her to play with it and she had no interest! That's what you get I guess.

Progress!! and did I mention that I'm sick of Dr's already?

2010-03-02T06:23:00.000-08:00

Well yippie yahoo!! My blood pressure has consistantly been in the upper oneteens/70--118/70 seems to be a popular number over the last few days! I think the doctor will be very happy at my check up next week.

Speaking of Dr's--I have my BP check up, the Gyno, the Eye Dr AND more bloodwork all to be done next week. I will be so sick of Dr's by next Thursday that I will want to puke. Literally just about every single part of my body will have the once over next week--waahoo! Crap--that's a lot of co-pays to shell out too. UGH!

In other not so exciting news, we survived the great "Griswald Family mini-reunion" of 2010 at Frankenmuth. We actually had a good time--with no bloodshed--awesome! My MIL sent a picture that was taken of almost the whole group in front of the "Cheez-Haus"--it's so totally tourist that I'll have to post it some time. The whole lot of us standing in front of a block of cheese and a mouse head--ROCK ON!

I also heard back from my neighbor about what went on with my "lack of" job offer. The chick in Germany--who my group would actually be reporting to had her 2nd nervous breakdown. The guy who was assigned to fill in for her whilst she spends time in a padded room didn't like the direction she was taking the group and has decided to restructure it--so everything truely is on hold for the time being. I wonder if I sent her a Zoloft care pacakge, she could get better quicker and get back to hiring me?? hmmmmm....but I REALLY like myself on Zoloft--think I'll keep it all for me :)

My sister and I have decided to take our girls to the American Girl Store in Chicago this summer--I cannot wait, but DAMN, Chicago is expensive to stay on the "Mile". We'll have to figure it all out--but it should be a great time--anyone with ideas of what else we should do while we are there, let me know--we'll be there for 3 days.

Ok--I'm out!!

My world according to JUNG

2010-02-25T06:18:00.000-08:00

ESTJ

ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

It further explained me with this little bit of information:

organized, group oriented, focused, conventional, leader, emotionally stable, anal, attention seeking, planner, realistic, fearless, responsible, finisher, decisive, norm following, respects authority, punctual, hard working, stiff, self confident, thinks rules and regulations are important, follows the rules, clean, outgoing, social, content, does not like being alone, normal, regular, does not like weird or strange people / things - intolerant of differences, strict, disciplined, aggressive, assertive, content, happy, proper, formal, strict with self, meticulous, strong sense of purpose

Yeah--hit the nail on the head.

Life is crazy, but with Zoloft, you don't care!

2010-02-19T06:10:00.000-08:00

**Wiping away cobwebs and clearing away the dust*******

Sorry for my lack of posting--I don't think anyone was too concerned---but this has been one crazy month for Lurker!

Work is, as usual, kicking my butt--it's hard out here to be a Project Manager during busy season. I'm running around like a chicken and I now have to start training a new Sales Rep next week--yikes. So much to do, so little time. I'm back to 40 hours a week thank God--I need the money and the hours in the day to get things done.

In other news, I finally decided to go to the doctor about my racing heart and anxiety issues. There is a reason I never go to the doctor unless I am dying--it's because they find crap wrong with you!!!!

I have gone from a 41 year old to a 61 year old seemingly over night. From taking only one itty bitty birthcontrol pill a day for the last million years to now taking blood pressure pills, Lipitor, Zoloft and the BC every day! What the hell! You might as well get me a cane or one of those walker things--except I'm super lazy, so go ahead and just order me the hover round scooter!

My blood pressure is 150's/90's! Yikes!! My Cholesterol is in the 240 range--with the good stuff being only 44. I'm falling apart. The good news is that after 3 weeks on the Metoprolol, my BP is down to the 130's/70's which is much improved, but I have to get that top number down still. I don't get the Cholesterol checked until the middle of March, but I'll keep you posted. The BEST part though is the Zoloft!!! Mamma doesn't give a SHIT about anything anymore--it's AWESOME!

I think that more than anything has helped my blood pressure--I just don't have the anxiety and worries and the "Crazy" going on anymore. I miss this person--I remember her-- and it's been a while since I've had her good company. The last 2-3 years of my life have been so full of stress and worry but I feel like I have a better grip on things now. I felt like such a failure having to go on "nerve pills", but my doctor told me that it's nothing to be ashamed of--why live a miserable life when there are ways to help you? I agree!!

ON the work front, I've had some bummer news--well, not with my current job, but with a potential job. I got a lead in on a great opportunity and went thru the ringer with phone interview, in person interview and then a 3 hour panel interview only to get a call last night that they are not currently going to fill the position.

WTF!

Excuse me--if I sucked or wasn't the right fit--just come out and tell me. I have my big girl panties on, I can deal with it. I know there are people more qualified or better than I am--just don't pull bullshit on me. I was told that due to some "just decided upon" restructuring, they are not in a position to fill the job right now--if that is true, I think I'm even more pissed than being told I suck. I mean, I put a LOT of effort into these multiple job interviews and even burned a vacation day. I know I was not the only person who interviewed either--so they wasted the time of many other people--including internal people who had to take the time to meet with us. Whatever--maybe it was just not meant to be.

I'll take the learning experience for what it's like out there to interview in these kind of times--I have not had an interview in 11 years, so it was quite an eye opener to see how things have changed.

In family news, we are getting together with the outlaws--EVERYONE--for the first time this weekend since all the shit went down around the holidays. There is a mini family reunion going on--God help me, I REALLY need to be drunk for this--but I'm not supposed to drink that much on these meds--God is REALLY testing me with this. So that will be for some interesting fodder for another blog post. I promise not to take a month to come back!!!

Common Courtesy Rules ......

2010-01-15T17:56:00.001-08:00

Common Courtesy Rules Because My Ass Has Had Enough of YOURS!!!!

1. If you're in the left lane, and everybody's passing you on the right,
that means you need to get the fuck out of the left lane, genius.

2. If you stop to talk in the store, get your fat ass out of the middle
of the aisle. If you don't, and someone politely says, "Excuse me" to
get through, you have no right to look at them like they just shit in
your coffee.

3. Walk on the right side of the aisle. Works like a charm, just
like they taught you in kindergarten.

4. If you're stuck in a line of cars behind someone who needs to read
rule number one above, but you're not the poor slob right behind the
asshole, tailgating, flashing your high-beams, hitting the horn or
giving the finger will not help. The poor slob that's in front of you can't go
any faster than the shithead in front of him. Chill the fuck out.

5. Hang the fuck up and drive.

6. Four-wheel drive means you can probably get going when it's snowing.
However, it doesn't mean that you can stop, nor does it give you the
right to drive like a fucking maniac and cause problems for people who don't
have four wheel drive.

7. If you're someone who can't buy a clue and still has to drive in the
left lane all the time because you're afraid to change lanes, stay the
fuck home or ride the damn bus.

8. The next time you cut a corner, rather than turning into your own
lane, realize that if you're in an accident, it will be your fault.
More importantly, if you hit someone and you're not injured in the accident,
don't be surprised if they beat the shit out of you for being stupid.

9. If it's raining, or snowing, or foggy, or dark, turn your headlights
on, and use the low beams. High beams just reflect the fog, blind the
other drivers, and prove to the world that you're a stupid fuck.

Getting over it....and the beginning of 2010

2010-01-03T08:16:00.000-08:00

OK--so in a previous post, it was discussed that there had been a "meeting of the minds" between the hubster and the outlaws. I guess they have decided that, yes, they have ignored DD enough and they will try and be better grandparents.

It has also been decided (by them) that I will just "exist" as something they have to deal with. I will be the "elephant in the room" if you will. They will not make direct contact with me--as they feel that I am actually the one to blame for everything--but will deal with me on an as needed basis. I have big enough shoulders to accept this burden so that my husband and daughter can have a relationship with them. It's fine with me actually. We all know where we stand now and that is cool.

They stopped by on their way down to Indy for Christmas--they spent about 2 hours here--giving DD her presents and we then went to lunch and off they went. They called on Christmas day--spoke to DD when she answered the phone, spoke to DH and that was that. You would be proud of me--I didn't ask a single thing about what they said--I'm playing my role very well.

In other piss me off news--our furnace is doing stupid crap again and I have a call into the repair dudes--it's not an emergency at this point, but they better call me first thing tomorrow or I will find someone else to come out. I'm sick of this damn house crap--our builder SUCKS and used cheap crap. I don't have 5K for a new furnace, but by the time I do all these damn repairs, I might have well just bought a new/better one. Oh--did I mention that the warranty on the parts they put in when it died last time just expired--F My Life! It's 8 freaking degrees here and I don't dare keep the furnace over 65 degrees or it never shuts off--I think something is wrong with the thermostat--that should cost a pretty penny.

BFF fell and broke her shoulder at work the other night---this was supposed to be a better year for her--some great new changes coming soon, but it seems like 2009 had some left over shit to throw her way. 2010 is supposed to be better right? Not so far. UGH!

My anxiety is running at full throttle as well. I know I have to get to the doctor to deal with the heart crazy I have been having....no pain, but I am sure my blood pressure is out of control and I keep having times of where it feels like my heart is going to pound out of my chest.-- I'm a scared to go, heart issues run in the family and I don't really want to hear that I have them too. I've lost and kept off 35lbs and I don't think that helped me one bit--I didn't have these problems before, but now it's just crazy.

Some people (ie my family members) have suggested that I would have a better outlook and a way to deal with the stresses in my life if I just improved my relationship with God. Um OK. In over 8 years, I have only set foot in a church for funerals/weddings and one time at a homeless shelter I volunteered at. I'm not sure that I am a religious person anymore. I believe in God, I feel "spiritual", but I am not sure the arms of the Catholic church are where I can find solace anymore. I'm not even sure that so called organized religion is for me--hard line churches don't appeal, "feel good" churches seem more "culty" to me that anything. I'm not sure what I am looking for.

My Grandmother is on my ass because I had DD baptised Catholic and I am not pursuing any religious instruction for her--the woman is 94 years old and does not understand that I no longer agree with the doctrine and will not force my DD into something that I cannot agree with. UGH--it sucks--and the guilt I get thrown at me as the oldest grandchild is worse--Catholic guilt is right up there with Jewisih guilt sometimes.

So that is what has been going on for the last week. I'm not setting any resolutions for this year--but I would like to add to my weight loss number--and DEFINATELY not add any gain. I hope that your 2010 is going well and that this is a great year for us all.

Enough said.....

2009-12-29T10:23:00.000-08:00

Le sigh.......it's over

2009-12-26T12:40:00.000-08:00

Twas the day after Christmas and all thru the house,
all the creatures were stirring--especially my mouse (DD).

The presents were opened, the paper was scattered,
the anticipation was over, like it never mattered.

All the sizes were correct, the gifts were just fine,
Even the dog was pleased and I was drinking wine.

Yesterday's ham dinner I cooked made for leftovers for dinner,
the cheesy potatos were divine, I feel like a winner.

Now I'm snuggling down with my Nano and my new book,
curling up in my chair--at the mess, I won't look.

I hope your Christmas was awesome, serene and divine,
thank the sweet 8lb 5 oz baby Jesus that so was mine!

Le Poop has hit Le Fan

2009-12-16T12:43:00.000-08:00

Family Show down 2009 has happened between DH and his family. FIL finally decided to call DH on his cell. No holds were barred, many verbal punches were thrown--this will not end well.

I think FIL was in Shock and Awe that DH actually had words and examples of things to back up his list of grievences. It took him off guard and things were said about me in particular that have pissed off DH (and myself) even more. DH believes that FIL didn't really have any "back-up" so they just started playing any cards they could. I am the easy target as I am not truely "family"--as has been pointed out to me before.

The main point of all of this crap is that DH is hurt and pissed about their treatment or lack there of in regards to our DD. They ignore her. Ever since the other grandkids started coming around, our DD has come in last on their list. Do you know they STILL have not called her back from her message to them back in OCTOBER??? DH pointed that out in particular; FIL's response? Well, yeah, maybe we should have called her back. MAYBE?????? MAYBE?????? Maybe my ass you fuckers! (Sorry mama bear came out to play for a minute--you don't mess with my kid) We know they live 2 hours away, but damnit--pick up the damn phone--it costs you NOTHING!

Their response the that? "Lurker" is sometimes short with us on the phone. That's all they had people--I am sometimes short with them on the phone--so forget ever calling again????????? F-That! By-pass me all together people--DH AND DD both have cell phones and you have their numbers--it's just a lousy excuse.

DH has told them that all of our conversations about this have been done in private between he and I, Baby Lurker has heard nothing and we don't say anything to her--we will not taint her opinion--but that girl is smart--she'll figure it all out soon enough. He even said--don't call us if that is how you really feel, but DON'T you DARE ignore DD.

The conversation pretty much ended with FIL suggesting they take a week to re-group and they would call him on Sunday. Whatever...oh--and they STILL have not called DD.

Goodbye Mr. Bob....rest in peace

2009-12-02T06:51:00.000-08:00

Sadness fills my heart....my best friend's Dad has died. He had an aneurysm that burst--they had him on life support for a while, but his system started to shut down and they took him off the vent. I pray he didn't suffer and I rejoice for him, knowing he is now home and at peace.

Mr. Bob was a substitute dad for me in my growing up years--I basically lived in my BBF Theresa's room thru my highschool years--and I called her family mine. "Hello Family" was my standard greeting when I barrelled through the front door of their house. I always felt welcomed there. It was not a big house and the 3 sisters would fight like cats and dogs, but they still loved each other. The things we did in that upstairs dormer would have gotten us killed by a parent anywhere else--but Mr. Bob and Rosebud turned a blind eye to most of our antics--I guess they figured they at least know where we were and that we were not on the streets wrecking havoc.

Mr. Bob was our basketball coach, our softball coach and one of the funniest guys you will have ever met. He loved his 3 daughters and wife, he could be a tough old bastard when he needed to be, but he let most of the crap of the world roll off his back. He was a hard worker, a friend to most everyone and just a good person all around.

I will NEVER forget the sound of his "Dukes of Hazzard" custom horn he had put on his station wagon. When you heard that horn go off, you knew that your ride to practice was coming down the street and your ass better be on the sidewalk and ready to jump in. I think there were a few times that I did a running dash into the back of the wagon and it was still moving! HAHA

Mr. Bob didn't have an easy life, he never finished school and he worked his ass off in the service department at the Medical College--but he made sure his girls got a private catholic education and went on to do better and have better. (2 of the 3 have done just that--the youngest is a trainwreck and has destroyed her life. Mr. Bob was raising his 2 youngest grandkids because "J" is a messed up crack whore--I'm not sure who will take care of them now that he is gone.)

Mr. Bob--thank you for letting me be a part of your family for all those years--for getting me involved in organized sports, for remembering me with the "August Birthday Club" and for being a hard ass on us when you needed too and for letting Theresa and I get away with crap that we shouldn't have. I thought of you so often over the last years and I will miss you very much!

Rest in Peace sweet man....see you on the other side.

New Moon and the "lists" have begun arriving

2009-11-24T19:31:00.000-08:00

OK--I admit that New Moon was my LEAST favorite book in the series--but the movie was very visually stunning and still awesome and worth the matinee price I paid to see it. I am now on countdown wait for Eclipse--my favorite book--so it better be TOTALLY AWESOME! I didn't think New Moon was TOTALLY awesome, but I did enjoy it. Will I see it multiple times in the theater like I did Twilight? Probably not--but it's just too much Bella and Jacob and not enough Cullens for my taste.

Guess what also arrived on the 20th? The freaking GIFT LIST from my SIL--you know the one who just had the baby? Is it even possible for a 3 week old to have a "wish list" on Toys r Us.com? SHOULD a 3 week old have one? The list o' greed was quite the trip this year for the kids, but what REALLY chapped my fine ass was the list for the SIL herself--names have been changed to protect the ignorant and greedy.

"SIL'S" CHRISTMAS LIST:2009

· Black Columbia fleece jacket Size Medium
· 2010 wall calendar
· Reed Diffuser with fragrance
· Fresh Saver Food Saver Handheld System w/ bags (Target, Bed/Bath)
· Franklin Covey store Somerset: mini calculator (pocket size) Pocket size refill pages 2010
· Gift cards: Nordstrom’s, Sephora, Puma Store, Salon Georgette, Silver Nails)
· Massoud Jewelers: baby shoe charm w/ NEWKID’s birthstone all over it
· Victoria’s Secret Catalog: Cashmere soft & sexy wrap #DS-247-426
Deep Charcoal Heather (163) or Black (93) Size Small $39 each
· Black leather zip around wallet clutch (holds credit cards, change, $$)
· Lillian Vernon: Microwave popcorn storage dispenser #800090 957 $14.98
· Michael Kors @ Macys: Patent leather puffer vest w/ acrylic fur trim $129.50 Size medium
· Crate & Barrel: Crimson Red Vases small #ZV306 $8.95 medium ZV304 $12.95 large #ZV305 $16.95
· Crate & Barrel: Eliza Placemat need 8-12 (ribbons & ric-rac) #ZV329 $7.95 each
· Crate & Barrel: Carino footed bowl #ZV288 $39.95

· Nordstrom: MAC makeup Holiday gift set: “Put a Spell on You Lip bag” # 277639 $ 36
· Nordstrom: Michael Kors “Famous” platform sandal # 273926 $295

· Sephora: Fresh Sugar Lychee perfume and body lotion

· Gap: ( SHOP ONLINE (11/17- 11/22) 25% OFF enter code GIFT123)

Ruffle front buffalo plaid shirt # 621050/ red plaid $49.50 size med.
Plaid Ombre Shirt/ Red plaid # 621056 $49.50 size med.
Ruffle plaid shirt/ red –white tartan or red plaid # 621045 $49.50 sz.med
Marled Convertible mittens #695849 $19.50 Cinnabar Red sz. s/m
Buffalo red plaid trapper hat #687848 $16.50 s/m

OK--and that is just page ONE! Seriously, how many damn plaid shirts do you need? Did Little House on The Freaking Prairie come back in style? AND she is asking for TWO coats? Bitch please--there are people who cannot afford ONE coat and you have the NERVE to put TWO on a list--and some $295.00 pair of shoes. God Help Me!! Do you see what I am dealing with here? Greed and ignorance and we NEVER see these people throughout the year! Nor do they call to chat? Drives me nuts!!

Best part? I don't have to see them this week!!!! Now, I've got to go pull my turkey out of the freezer--I've got a dinner to start working on!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families--I hope they are not as nuts as my outlaws!

It's hard out here to be a....volunteer!

2009-11-19T05:45:00.001-08:00

OK--since we are staying home this year for Thanksgiving, I have been trying to find a place that will need volunteers to serve a meal the morning or early afternoon of Turkey Day. The stipulation being that I will be bringing my 8 year old with me.

She is mature for 8 and responsible and she could handle pouring drinks, or clean up or placement of silverware--something like that. But places that I have contacted do not let kids under 13 help out. I can fully appreciate them not wanting little ones near hot stoves and such--and some places cannot let minors be in a situation where they might come in contact with people with "issues".

I really do understand--but how do we begin to teach our children to lead a life of service and giving to others in need if we have to wait until they are evil based teenagers to try and do it?

So--if anyone in the Toledo-Bowling Green area has any ideas of churches or shelters looking for some help on Thursday, please let me know. We are not personally affiliated with any church, but we are willing to help out where we would be needed.

Survival!!!...and only 4 more days!!.....squee!

2009-11-16T08:58:00.000-08:00

Whew--we made it thur the picture taking drama of 2009!! It turned out well and we even got a chance to get a formal family picture done--and that hasn't happened since baby lurker was about 3 or 4 years old. I give your the Lurker Family!!:

We had no intention of getting this done--but they has space and a few extra shot available on the package that SIL was getting, so I took advantage of it. I'm a little "shiny", but whatever--if I had to give up a whole day to do this, I was getting something out of it.

I had no plans to go to this thing at all--but sending DD up with Dh was going to end up causing me more grief than anything, so I decided to take one for the team and get it over with. I am now free and clear of these people until Christmas time--woohoo!

The picture place was inside of a babies r. us and whilst I was waiting for the pictures to get done/printed, I looked around and found my very own POCKET EDWARD!! They had him, Bella, Alice and Jacob. Jacob looked like a "He-Man" gone wrong and Bellas was one step away from a Lipstick lesbian (not that there is anything wrong with that)--so I bought the Edward and the Alice. I have not taken them out of the packages yet, but I want to put them in my office. Alice is my favorite vampire next to Edward, so I HAD to have her!!! I should put them on Ebay--but the don't seem to be selling for a fortune yet, so I think I will just play with my new toys! HAHA!!!

This is a very exciting week for us Twilight lovers!! Have I SQQQUUUEEEEEEEEDDD that we are only 4 more days away yet? SSSSSQQQQQUUUUUEEEEEE!!!!!! There is stuff on TV all week about it and I am so excited!! Ok--I guess that is is--just wanted to let you know that all went well, no blood was shed and I am done with the out-laws for another month--woohoo!!! And I didn't kill anyone!!! Yeah me!!

Table for 3 please! or In-law Musings......Whatever!

2009-11-13T06:18:00.000-08:00

Sit down, strap in, grab some wine--this is a long one.

OK--we all know my deep and heartfelt feelings about my in-laws (insert sarcasm here). They confound me with their crazy and their inability to truly be a family...I don't say anything anymore, the fight is not worth it.

I am sad that this is how things have to be with them, you would think after 20+ years I would be used to it--but it hurts me to see my DH struggle with it-- he sees how things are with my family and our friends families--he used to think his family was normal with their indifference to each other unless it involved spending money--but he has seen how other familes work and it really bothers him.

I let my husband make all decisions involving our contact with them. We usually see them on holidays and medical emergencies and that is about it. They don't call us, they don't care about my DD, they barely acknowledge that we exist unless they want something.

Which brings me to the latest...SIL has decided that the MIL would like a picture off all of her grandchildren together. OK--I can bring my good camera and we will get a group shot of them when we are together at Thanksgiving--we'll do a nice backdrop or figure out something. I was thinking (and f-me for thinking) this would be nice since SIL JUST had a baby and I would not take a newborn out anywhere right now with all the flu and H1N1 plaguing our area. NO! We are going to some portrait studio on a Babies R Us--oh and did I mention that it's 2.5 hours away from us? Also, please note that new baby will be 2 weeks old the day we take this picture.

This is totally convenient for them--but totally sucks for us--once again. They all live right there in that area, it's no big deal. They wanted an evening appointment, but Dh put his foot down and said NO WAY--we have a long ass drive, dinner to think about and a kid who has school the next morning. That was met with--well, we can't do it earlier it will mess with other SIL's kids nap. DH actually said, make the appointment mid afternoon or forget DD being there. So ok, I was bursting with pride at him but said nothing--and they called back with an appointment at 3:30.

We have been told what DD is to wear, how her hair should be styled and how they want this picture to look--we have not gotten a say about anything--we made a suggestion, but were scoffed at--- but were told to make sure we bring cash or a check made out to SIL for our portion of the picture--REALLY? Do we get a say in anything? or do we just go back to the "Mother's Ring" fiasco of 2003? SIL does what she wants, orders what she wants, tells all of us to shut up and just give her what we owe her? Do you SEE what I am working with here?

This has all come to a head for DH--seeing as I won't say a word about it or even go up with him for this picture to be taken--I'm staying out of EVERYTHING. I think he has finally seen the light on how these people really are. He has had enough.

His way of dealing with things is very passive aggressive so, He has volunteered to work a shift on Thanksgiving--so we are not going on our yearly pilgrimage to what I refer to as the "death chamber" (I am HIGHLY allergic to cats and MIL has 4. I end up high on allergy meds and usually have full blown bronchial problems within a week of being in that house).

He has yet to tell them that we are not coming--why you ask? Well like I said, if he doesn't call them, they don't call him. He is being kind of stubborn about that since DD called them a few days before Halloween (29th)--she wanted to tell them what she was going to be and about her class party--they were not home so she left a message for them to please call her--it's been over 2 weeks and they have YET to call their grandchild back.

We found out what was keeping MIL from callng back: SIL had her baby on Nov 1st (yeah, I know 3 days after she called) and we found out by EMAIL! They still couldn't be bothered to call us then for that either. DH found out that MIL spent the first week with SIL and the baby helping out and he hit the roof--MIL cannot be bothered with our DD because SIL had another kid? (Note: SIL's in-laws live all around her--MIL lives in the house behind her--big Italian family--it's not like she doesn't have help)--but MIL drove 2 hours and stayed all week to help her out--and cannot take 5 minutes to call her other granddaughter back at all. Whatever! Dh is pissed.

I'm sure he will mention us not coming to his sisters when they are together for the picture on Sunday--but who knows.

In the mean time, I am planning my very 1st "Our family Only" Thanksgiving. It's weird to only cook for 3 people for a holiday (4 if my mom comes by--she's invited, but we are eating really late) but I think I will enjoy the peace and quiet and no tension that this holiday will bring.

Only in Ohio.......

2009-11-04T15:17:00.000-08:00

Hey--it's me--I finally have something to share!! Yeah! Anyway....

So I had to go to Cleveland today for work--yee Ha! I usually hate that crap, but what I saw on the drive home TOTALLY made getting my fine ass out of bed at the butt crack of Satan worth it.

Me and my co-worker are just happily driving along when I see this Buick Enclave up ahead of us--I don't pay much attention, but something BLUE catches my eye on the car.

I tell "J" to pull up along side the guy and what the fucks sake do I see????

I give you the JACKED UP GHETTO MIRROR!!

This dude--who was in a nice dress suit/tie, the whole works, DUCT TAPED a bright BLUE hand mirror to the driver's side mirror of his CAR! Now I know times are tough and all, but REALLY????? Dude, at least break the handle off so people don't TOTALLY know that you squirreled you wife's hand mirror--that is just so wrong!

One more from the side:

Oh and Jen--sorry, but I might have peed a little on your seat from laughing so damn hard. I know that guy saw me squirrel the pictures and I'm sure he could hear my screaming laughter. He deserved it for driving around like this.

25 Things (Stolen from TLC)

2009-09-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

25 things

[Thanks to Turtle Parade, Happy Hopefuls and The View From My FishBowl for the inspiration]

1. Who was your first prom date? A guy named Stacy. My Senior Prom and then we went and crashed his. That limo was expensive--we were getting our money's worth

2. Do you still talk to your first love? No.

3. What was your first alcoholic drink? California Coolers--ugh--the flashbacks of that stuff--blech!

4. What was your first job? I worked at Taco Bell--Yo Queiro Taco Bell STILL

5. What was your first car? '78 CUtlass Supreme Burgandy with White top--fast car!

6. Who was the first person to text you today? No one yet--waahhh

7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning? Dear Daughter and how did she want me to make her hair "crazy" for crazy hair day at school

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Sister Mary Penguin--seriously, I forgot what came after Mary--she was a nun and scary--that's all I remember

9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane? Florida.

10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk? Theresa was and is my main bestie!! I miss her EVERY SINGLE DAY! She lives too damn far away

11. Where was your first sleepover? Heidi Napier's house--she had a waterbed.

12. Who was the first person you talked to today? My Daughter

13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time? My Uncle Bob and Aunt Judy--4 year old flower girl--Christmas wedding, I was darling in my green velvet dress!

14. What was the first thing you did this morning? Let the dog out before he peed on the floor

15. What was the first concert you went to? Rick Springfield--Do you know he is now 60! And he's STILL freaking HAWT!

16. First tattoo? I don't do ink--I'm a puss

17. First piercing? My ears--I tricked my grandmother into signing the permission slip--my dad was PISSSSSSEEEEED

18. First foreign country you went to? Canada.

19. First movie you remember seeing? Star Wars--my dad turned me into a Sci-Fi Junkie

20. What state (province) did you first live in? Ohio

21. Who was your first room mate? My Husband if you can believe that--living with a guy at his mom's house doesn't count in my book--but I did that too before I got married--and no--that guy was NOT the husband

22. When was your first detention? High school.

23. When was your first kiss? Oh man--spin the bottle with some random neighborhood boy--I don't remember his name anymore.

24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance? I want to learn those sexy latin dances --and I want a sexy latin to teach me--hee hee

25. Who will be the next person to post this? No clue. But if you post it on your blog, leave a comment here so I can check it out! :)

MUST visit this website

2009-09-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

http://textsfromlastnight.com/

Why am I suck a loser and cannot get links to post where you can just click on them?

It's like getting be a part of everyone's drunk dialing--only in Text form. I am sitting here laughing my ass off at some of these.

Ok--back to your regular programming!

NEVER Forget

2009-09-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

Where the hell have I been??

2009-09-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

To tell the truth, there has been so much crazy going on that I cannot even find the time to breathe--forget about writing on my blog.

Work is kicking my ass--doing the work of 4 people is truely beginning to take it's toll--and Aunt Flo stopped by this week so I was on the warpath--it's a wonder I still HAVE my job. But if they fired me--who would get anything done? Kind of a win-win for me. Sucks for everyone else who had to tolerate my vicious PMDD mood swings this past week. Sorry, my bad.

I have been solving that problem nightly though with the love of my life:

Probably not the best thing for my liver--but it's the best thing for my sanity right now.

Things that have gone on in the last month...hmmmm..Oh! I turned 41 --whoopdy freaking do!! That sucked--nothing special went on, so I didn't give it much thought.

Dear Daughter started the 3rd grade--be still my heart, where is the time going????
With that comes all the back to school meetings, mixers, meet the teacher crazy. I have decided to NOT do anything with PTO this year--those cows can play in their own sandbox--I hate the herd mentality and Allah forbid you try and inject some new thoughts into anything--pffttt!

OH--The Duggars are expanding AGAIN--but I made my thoughts known on that in my ONE post for the month--haha!

DD and I made a donation to a wildlife fund and got to play in a cage with a baby tiger!!! That was a chance of a lifetime and I couldn't pass it up. That tiger is going to be almost 900lbs some day--I'll play with him now while he's about 20lbs thanks!! I have pics on my Facebook for "those in the know" to see. I'll try and put one up here too.

A friend of mine got busted on the job--all I can say is learning to keep your dick in your pants is a pretty big step in growing up. Try and remember that now that you could have possibly just lost your career.

Hubby's job is going well, he made it to the 90 day point and they gave him a shirt--so I guess he gets to stay! HAHA!

I think I want to write a book or screenplay on the crazy that goes on in my neighborhood--Marc Cherry and the Desperate Housewives have NOTHING going on compared to the insanity that is my 'hood.

OMG!!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! 70 days to NEW MOON!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEE!!!

I think that's all I've got!!

Peace out! Sorry I suck!

Aww HELL NO!

2009-09-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

I have only come back from the dead to announce my SEVERE DISGUST with the Dugger family.

Hey attention whore Michelle--couldn't stand it that your kid is finally having a kid of his own and they have been getting the attention?

UGH--that's all I've got. Go back to your business, nothing to see here.

Flashing Back...

2009-07-29T08:11:00.001-07:00

OK--Kelley got my juices going..thanks for the inspiration!

YOUR HIGHSCHOOL YEARS!!!

OK--so no one has the perfect highschool experience--if you say you did, your a liar, I'm calling you on your shit right now.

But going to an ALL GIRLS CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL has a whole set of rules and issues of it's own. Especially when you did it in the 80's--where rules were flying out the door and "Crazy" was running the show.

Ok--all of you around 40--admit it--you had a bi-level haircut at somepoint in your highschool career--we all did it--we all thought we were cool. It was back then, now it's just a mullet and reserved for white trash--but we were punk and Euro-trash cool back then right? RIGHT??????????? Come on--you at least, at one time or another ran a streak of color thru your bangs--blue, pink--somthing weird--but you did it! I had the Ghetto version done with blue mascara because that was how I rolled--and my mom would NEVER have taken me somewhere to get it professionally done--not in a million years. Money was being spent on my education, not my hair color!

Let's list a few other things from the 80's shall we? Come with me on a trip down memory lane:

Jazz Shoes--preferably white like the guys from Duran Duran

Choosing which member of Duran Duran you would marry (John Taylor thank you very much)

Sweet Honesty Perfume by Avon. The only thing my mother would buy me

Alyssa Ashley Musk--the only thing I would marinate myself in--many a good babysitting dollar was spent on this item

Spiral Perms--bad memory, enough said

The whole Neon colors/Maddona vinyl braclets 50 deep on your arm/lace and tiered ruffle fashions--scares the HELL out of me that this is ALL coming back into fashion again.

Preppy/Valley Girl talk--Like OMG, Gag me with a spoon!

And oh my memories of drunken parties with California Coolers and nights out at the Point. Getting reamed out by nuns throughout the hallowed halls of Notre Dame Academy. Declaring yourself a "Franny or a Johnny" by the color of your socks on spirit Fridays (those were the all boy's schools--our "brother schools if you will). My list can go on and on.

Share your highschool crazy.....

Yummiliciousness of the day

2009-07-22T06:09:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's Rob time again!!!

God please make this day go by fast...

2009-07-21T06:36:00.000-07:00

I never want to wish time away, but I am begging for this work day to be over. What ever possessed this old broad to go out drinking on a "school night"? Ugh kill me now!

I need sleep, I need grease in my stomach and I need to rethink drinking mass quantities of Tequila.

But I DID have a good time and to celebrate a birthday with a friend is always a good thing--sometimes too much of a good thing. For my friends on Facebook, you can see the debauchery there.

Anyheeeew--I hope my little "IDAHO" (inside joke) had a great time--even thought that bitch is still in bed.....

My heart hurts......

2009-07-15T10:38:00.000-07:00

So, DD went to a friend's birthday party last night. The mom gave us a report on how the night went and she told me that Miki said at one point: "My parents don't love me"....My heart stopped the minute I heard that.

I don't know what was going on at the time she said it or the context--it was if she just kind of said it in passing.

This child is loved more than the air I breathe. We are always saying I love you, or hugging or snuggling with her. We are hands on parents and get involved with her life, do things with her. As an only child, I am worried that we incorporate her too much into our lives--so that she doesn't have a feeling of independence.

I am broken hearted that she would say this. We have very few problems with her, but when we do have a "tiff" she has thrown out the "you hate me!" line. I say to her "I ALWAYS love YOU, it's your behaviour I do not like right now". She has never been given a reason to think otherwise.

Things have been hard lately, so maybe this is her way of processing and dealing with it. Money is tighter than tight--where as before we threw it around on anything we wanted/she wanted. That cannot happen anymore and maybe this is just her way of dealing with that? But I never wanted my kid to associate "things" with love--we never worked that way. We still have "treats" now and then, but it's a surprise trip to the park and an ice cream cone versus a new game for her DS--she's not being deprived by any means.

The mother who told me this is a PhD in Psychology, she thinks from her other behaviours (well mannered, polite, kind) that this could just be a phase and she's testing her boundaries--but she has said to keep an eye out for other signs of depression. So of course this sends me over the edge.

I just don't know what to do..........

Survivor's Guilt

2009-07-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

Well, the hammer came down at work yesterday. They say that the layoffs are temporary due to lack of work. 4 people that I have come to rely on were shown the door. I am the only person left in my department. I just feel sick.

I am lucky that I am the only one in this office that does not do sales alone--I am a Project Manager, but I also run the office, do the IT, deal with the every day BS etc. Some days the office wouldn't even be open if I was not here. So I think that was my "saving grace". Only 1 of the 4 who got let go had seniority over me (by less than a year), but I feel AWFUL that she was on the chopping block.

They say that the layoffs are for 4-6 weeks until our busy season picks back up--and God I hope they are right. Not only for my friends, but also for my sanity. We all took a 20% reduction (4 day work weeks) earlier this year and that has not changed. So I get to do the work of 3.5 people--I am the only PM for the whole company and I have to do 2 days in the ordering/art department--all in a 4 day work week.

I am grateful to be working, but I just don't know how I am going to (1) get it all done and (2) Keep it all straight. The art department part is a VERY small part of my current job, but it's a huge part of a client's order--I screw that up, we have nothing but pissed off clients. I'm kinda scared! Ordering hardware--pffffht--no big deal, graphics and all the "crazy" that go along with that--TERRIFYING!

Please say some prayers for the 4 let go--they are angry/pissed off and I hope they are still available if/when the callbacks happen. They all have families who relied on them for income--this is so horrible and I feel so guilty.....

Proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!

2009-06-28T18:14:00.000-07:00

Ok--normally that is my line for the glorious deliciousness that is Chipotle or Taco Bell, but I have just now heard of the 2nd coming! Behold blessed readers...I GIVE YOU......

YES, BACON FLAVORED VODKA!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so torn about this--should I want to vomit or revel in the magnificence of this creation???????

2 of God's most wondrous creations all combined into one package. It's both a drink and a marinade--the site even had RECIPES!!!!
http://www.bakonvodka.com/?section=recipes (Copy and paste please, I'm a loser and I cannot make the link work).

Bakon vodka just hit the shelves a few weeks ago, and is currently sold in limited quantities in Washington, Oregon, Idaho, and Montana. So if any of you live in that area, I will be of life long servitude to you if you can get a bottle shipped my way.

I'm thinking that I'd add it to my breakfast orange juice and breakfast would become my favorite meal of the day!!! I wouldn't even have food with it--I'd get the taste of bacon with out the grease and fat!! Oh Heavens Yes!!

Sadness....

2009-06-26T05:44:00.000-07:00

When I had heard that Farrah died, it was a feeling of relief for her suffering and knowing that God had finally given her peace.

When I heard of Michael's passing, it was with shock, sadness and a loss of a part of my youth.

2 great icons of a time when I was growing up.

Rest in Peace both of you--you left us a great legacy!

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Tag I'M it...

2009-06-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, Kelley over at The Casa deChaos tagged me in this photo game. Here's how it works. Go to your first photo file and post the 10th photo in that file.

Oh Please, please, pretty please let it be one of my Rob pics--the blog needs some hot Rob right about now.

Well--shoot, it wasn't Rob, but it is timely once again as the gas prices continue their upwards ascent. Really--about that--I'm pissed. Oil at 147.00 per barrel was over $4 a gallon. Oil at $70.00 per barrel should be about $2.00 right---WRONG or as we would have said in the 80's PSYCH! It almost $3.00 a gallon. Must be more of the government "Fuzzy math".

Anyheeeew. That is my pic...now who to tag...

OK--Since she NEVER posts anything: Theresa over at My Own Prison>
Go girl--post something pretty from Florida!!!

Next 48 Hour Weather--hold on to yo' ass Dorothy!

2009-06-18T09:00:00.000-07:00
Direct from our county Emergency Management Agency!! I LIVE for this kind of stuff people!! If I could be a storm chaser, I would!!! I remember my dad throwing us in the car for these type of things when I was little--nothing better than a strong storm system--as long as no one gets hurt of course. The changing skies, the crackle in the air--it gets my blood going. I think its my animal instincts kicking up!!

"A unique weather situation is developing over the next 48 hours for Wood County . The dynamics in the atmosphere will allow for the development of strong to severe thunderstorms over the forecast period. In this part of the Country, we only see this type of atmospheric development 2-3 times a year. Typically, thunderstorms in this area develop as a result of the daytime heating in the summer months. The following are some details as to what we could expect across NW Ohio over the next 48 hours or so.

Two primary waves of “energy” in the atmosphere will develop and progress across NW Ohio over the forecast period. The first wave of energy will arrive over night tonight (Thursday night-Friday morning). The second wave of energy will arrive over night Friday night into early Saturday morning. These two waves of energy will allow for strong to severe thunderstorms to develop and move through the area in the overnight hours (which is unusual). As stated above, typically we lose thunderstorm intensity as we lose the heating of the day, however, the dynamics of the atmosphere will allow for the potential of strong to severe storms in the overnight hours. The Friday daytime hours will be extremely warm and humid which may allow for additional thunderstorm development during the day. Some rain and thunderstorms may continue into the morning and early afternoon hours of Saturday also, but the severity should be decreased. By late Saturday afternoon and evening, we should see the entire storm system move east of us with clearing skies.

With these thunderstorms, large hail, high winds, and heavy rain will be the primary threat. The potential for tornados are also possible with these types of storms. Over the 48 hour period, some areas in NW Ohio could see 2”-3” of rain which may cause some flash flooding especially in small streams and across roadways.

Please keep this information in mind as we go through the next 48 hours and try to stay tuned into local television, radio, and weather radio updates for the latest information on weather developments. As always, we ask that you to review your work and home preparedness plans. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Brad
Bradley J. Gilbert, Director

Wood County Emergency Management Agency

Happy 20th Anniversary!!

2009-06-10T12:51:00.000-07:00

HOLY HELL!! Today is my 20th Wedding Anniversary. If you would have told me 20 years ago how my life would be now, I would have laughed in your face. IT IS SO MUCH BETTER!!

I had no idea what this "marriage thing" was going to have in store for my 20 year old self way back then, but my 40 year old self is thankful and amazed that it has come this far.

There have been many wonderful times, some sucky times and some really shitty times, but we've made it thru so far. I think we took that "for better or worse" thing pretty seriously huh? We've been tested in so many ways the last 3 years alone that it's a miracle we are still standing. But dear husband, the good has outweighed the bad and I'm glad I've gone on this crazy ride with you!!

So Happy 20th to me--here's to 20 more!! Clink!

The Bitch is Back!!

2009-06-08T12:12:00.000-07:00
Hello all,

We are back and I am winding down my last day of vacation--wwwwaaaaaahhhhh!! I am of the sad, but one does have to work whilst one has a job I suppose.

So Last Sunday, we got up and told DD that we were going out to breakfast. She was less than amused, but got in the car. We pulled into the airport and she started with the "Why are we at the airport?" We told her that they put in a new restaurant we wanted to try for breakfast. (Snicker, snort) She was all like ok, whatever, but then we went to the trunk and started pulling out suitcases. She asked why we needed those and we asked where would she really like to go for breakfast? She was totally confused and we yelled--WE'RE GOING TO FLORIDA. Jumping up and down and squeeeeing then ensued.

We had a great time--A day was spent at Daytona Beach, just lying in the sun and listening to the waves. Miki tried her hand at boogie boarding--SHE LOVED IT~~until she got her first mouthful of salty sea water--but she was a trooper and kept on!

We spent another day at Universal Studios--a nice break from all the Disney festivities--one can only take so much of being told to have a "Magical Day" I was ready to cut the next person who said it. I found my next job though--I want to work with Apoo at the Kwik-E-Mart!!! I even tried on a uniform shirt!!

We also had a great day at NASA. We took a "Then and Now" tour that took us out to launch pads and into the blockhouses used during the Apollow and Saturn missions. We got to stand on the launch pad of Apollo 1 which is now a memorial to the 3 men who died during the preflight test of their rocket. It was very somber. We also saw the memorial for the space shuttle astronauts we have lost. The history was amazing--even the 8 year old loved it.

After 5 days of crazy, we left our stress and money behind..and Florida said:

I'm Leavin'..on a jet plane...unfortunately, I know when I'll be back again

2009-05-28T06:47:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow is Miki's last day of school for the year--and as a surprise, we are heading off to the LAND OF MICKEY MOUSE!!! Yes people, even though we are of the major poor, we have decided to help stimulate the economy and go on vacation. Hubby starts his new job on the 8th and it might be a long while before we can do this again, so we are taking the opportunity!

Miki doesn't know--we're not telling her a thing until we pull up to the airport. DH and I are about to bust with excitement and the child has no clue!! FUN!

The bad thing is that I have decided to come down with what I am sure is the swine flu. I was running a fever last night, coughing, sore throat, snot, all kinds of lovely. I am leaving work at noon today and plan on putting myself into a Nyquil induced coma to try and get rid of this crap. I cannot get on a plane in this condition so I hope it's gone by Sunday morning. Wish mama luck getting rid of the death that I am currently feeling.

We are going to make a stop at BFF's place of employment to see her whilst we are in the land of sun and humidity as well--I have not seen her in over a year, so I cannot wait for that. We've got to do at least one park and we have tickets to do a Richard Petty Experience at the "Mick-yard"--Disney's racetrack. Kennedy Space Center and Cocoa Beach are also on the list of fun things to do--there is a steak joint down there that we just love to go to--hope it's still open!

So my lovely readers, all 3 of you, have a wonderful week and I'll post when I get back!!!

Ciao

Today's Yummiliciousness (jot that down)

2009-05-21T09:08:00.001-07:00

In honor of him being in Cannes....Le Sigh

And so ends another dance season......

2009-05-18T13:04:00.001-07:00

I hate to say this, but I am SO OVER DANCE! I am glad this season has ended--but I'm a little sad because dear daughter has informed me that she no longer wants to take dance classes. We set a goal for her to get her 5 year award--and she's going to come up a year short. Who knows, maybe she will change her mind by August and want to do it again.

I do have a question--why in the HELL does a music room smell like ass and feet? You would have thought we were dressing in the men's football locker room. I realize that times are tight, but DAMN, Bowling Green State University--get some air freshener PLEASE.

I just don't see how a MUSIC room should have that kind of smell--EVER! But anyway, the recital went well, they all looked great and I am thankfull it is over--for now!

FREE CHOCOLATE!!!

2009-05-15T06:18:00.000-07:00
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!!!

www.realchocolate.com

GO THERE NOW!! Go to the site each Friday to register to win FREE CHOCOLATE!!! Mars Brand is promoing this I think thru Sept--and today there are a half a million certificates being offered. You have to register to get one--not sure if it's a "luck of the draw thing" or what.

The premise behind this is the FDA regulating how chocolate is labeled and Mars wants you to know they only use REAL stuff to make theirs--not the "fake" ingredients used in lesser chocolates.

But hey--anything that offers free chocolate is good in my mind!!

ENJOY!

Happy Birthday Rob!!

2009-05-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

23 years ago (and who knows if that is true because for some reason you look a lot older than 23--hey it could happen--those boys who played on 90210--THE ORIGINAL--were all supposed to be young kids and now they are really older than I am--IMDB lies!!--Hell, I think the studios make them lie so that they seem closer to the age of the parts they are playing---Lurker keeps telling herself this so that her lust for this boy is not so creepy)

Annyyyheeeww--- I was a month away from graduation and you dear boy were born!! You've been rocking London since then and rocking our Twi-Harts for the last couple of years!!

Enjoy your day

Love,
Your future Mistress!!

How much for a cloning machine?

2009-05-07T09:34:00.000-07:00
OK--anyone know of a cloning machine that I can get on the cheap or at least borrow for next week???

Why does everyone and their brother decided that EVERYTHING must happen all in the same week and mostly at the same time as other activities in my house?

Between MULTIPLE dance rehearsal/dress rehearsals/rehearsal to rehearse the rehearsal/New LatchKey sign up/school events/work/the actual recital, etc I find myself needing to be in multiple locations at the same time next week.

I think that I am going to go to my "happy place" (ie: Bottle of Smirnoff) this weekend to prepare myself for the onslaught of crazy that awaits. Oh--don't worry, I'm making hubby do his fair share, but I JUST KNOW that important information is going to slip thru the cracks and that will make for another mess for me to clean up.

It's not wrong to spend Mother's Day drunk when you ARE the mom right?

My Heart Aches...She's so grown-up

2009-04-30T06:14:00.000-07:00

OK--First of all--3 posts in 3 days! Control yourselves people and don't get used to it. I just have "stuff" finally going on in my sad little life!

DD had her dance pictures last night. The costume is a little "daring" for an 8 year old, but who am I to say so--the dance people love it. But I got her ready and my heart just ached with her beauty. I know we all wonder how it goes by so fast--but REALLY--must she look like she is 13?

She fought me like a banshee when it came time to put on the eye makeup--and I just told her REMEMBER how much this sucks so that in 4 years or so you will not BEG me to plaster this crap on your face every single day. If I was smart, I would have done a video of her having a total meltdown about putting on mascara--I would then run it at night in her bedroom so it slips into her subconscious and she'll never want to wear the stuff.

Anyheeww--an hour of squealing little girls and writing out a check to the photographer that made me want to puke (really--how can they get away with charging that kind of money for dance pics?--for crying out loud, this is not Senior pictures or anything)--we were headed back home--only 3 weeks until the recital and our dance season is over for another year!! YEAH!!! BUt once we got home--the little shit wanted to parade around in her makeup--NO--I DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT OFF. I LOOK PRETTY!! Ugh--and so it begins....

Rob Love.....

2009-04-29T06:25:00.001-07:00
Because I love my Twi-hard girls....Enjoy the yumminess....

Swine Flu Crazy--and Dear FAA--WTF???

2009-04-28T09:48:00.000-07:00
OK--so some of the little voices in my head are telling me that people are taking this flu thing a little to the extreme. I mean, I understand what they are saying--but if you are sick, get thee to a doctor, get the drugs and go home. Sounds simple non?

BUT--those OTHER little voices creep up and bring to the forefront of my mind that book by Stephen King--THE STAND anyone (where everyone starts dying of the flu--or Captain Tripps)? That book freaked my shit out--and could it be happening?????

I know we have the best healthcare and as Americans in general, we have better nutrition and stuff--so maybe that is why we are not dying like those in Mexico. (Mexico City is about as close to a 3rd world country as you can get without really calling it 3rd world--the filth and poverty I have seen in Mexico is horrible) But I digress--WASH YOUR HANDS AND COVER YOUR MOUTHS PEOPLE!!! Just in case the black crow and the man with the red eyes is about to make his appearance (read the book if you don't get it)

It also brings to mind a Ron White funny: The "threat level" system we have here is very confusing. It scares old people and they do not know what to do. Ron thinks we should only have 2 threat levels: 1) GET A HELMET and 2) PUT THE HELMET ON! I agree--keep it simple!

Along those lines--WHAT IN THE HELL was the FAA thinking and what Ad Agency won a contract to have an image of a fighter jet chasing down a plane in a LOW zone in NEW YORK CITY????? Too soon people, too soon! That was the biggest waste of money I have ever seen and it was in VERY poor taste as well. I mean really? Y'all don't have access to a "green screen"? I have some talented people I work with who could have done that all digitally for you--no waste of fuel and GOVERNMENT (meaning your's and mine) money to do that stupidity! I hope some asses are fired today because of that one. EPIC FAIL people, EPIC. LG shakes head at the FAA people who approved it as well--what morons.

Anyway--those are the thoughts rambling thru my head today!!

OH WAIT--I just found out that the retirement home my 93 year old GRANDMOTHER lives in is on lockdown. Some nutter went over to kill his wife at work today. Did I mention that he is out on bail for trying to do the same thing to her last month????? He hit her with a crowbar and they cannot find him or her in the facility--NICE! I am sure that there will be an old person or 2 that has issues after this. Sunset House is in the hoity toity Ottawa Hills area and is a VERY nice mansion turned into a retirement community--this is NOT going to go over well. What the hell kind of security is going on there? I have to sign away my first born to get in there sometimes--this turkey just strolls in with a CROWBAR in hand (and the news is saying possibly a GUN) and just goes about his business? AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

I cannot get thru to my Grandmother--I just hope she is down in her room listening to the "Pope on Tape ministry" thingy I got her for CHristmas--maybe she is oblivious to it all happening.....crazy people man

GRANDMA EDIT: Grandma is fine--but the SWAT team was kind of camped outside her window and the ran the lady they rescued right past her window--I got to watch it all happen on TV--GREAT! The guy surrendered--all is well (as can be I guess)

Weather Madness

2009-04-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

What the hell is up with the weather today???? In the space of just a couple of hours it had been freezing cold and cloudy, then it hailed, then the sun came out, then it rained, then it hailed again, then the winds howled like the devil and now the sun is partially out again.

Really???????? Mother nature must have a raging case of PMS today.

ENOUGH ALREADY!

Oh--and if you don't like the weather, wait 20 mintues, it will change again. But the good news--it's going to be almost 80 here by the weekend.

Amen Praise Be--Thank ALL the Gods!

2009-04-17T06:18:00.001-07:00
Whatever Deity you pray to...and I know some of you have been praying for us..

HUBBY GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a long horrible 18 months, and it will stretch out for another 2 until the job begins, but he got the call yesterday that he will be starting in June. He could start next month if he wanted nights, but we did that for 12 years and we can wait a few more weeks for him to be on days again.

Those of you who "know" me realize how hard this has been on us emotionally, spiritually, financially etc...so I thank you for your support. In these times and in this area of the country, getting a job is like hitting the lottery.

He will be working for a very large Solar company--so it's a job buildng for the future--not just a place that who knows if they will be around next year. We are so very blessed right now--and I hate to count chickens before they are hatched, (because he hasn't really started there yet), but this is a great opportunity.

Prayers do get answered....now hopefully business at my job will pick up so we can get back to enjoying all the finer things in life---like electricity, food, health insurance at a reasonable rate.....

I Love Tofu????

2009-04-09T07:22:00.000-07:00
OK--so the Colorado DMV had denied a practising Vegan her right to declare her love of Tofu on her car.

The DMV says that the "message" could be interpreted as a sexual reference and had been denied.

Once you see the plate, you will agree...or I am just a big old perv?.....

Today's musings

2009-04-03T12:16:00.000-07:00
OK--so I didn't have a great post about Ron White's show....cause really--it wasn't all that great. He was funny yes, but he was SO MUCH funnier last time. Or perhaps it had something to do with my being served a Prime Rib disguised as a BRILLO PAD.

Damn you OUTBACK SNAKE HOUSE! You ruined my night. The bread and salad were good, the drinks slipped down my throat like an elixir, but the Prime Rib? NOT SO VERY PRIME. It should have gone down like Buttah, but it was more like acid tearing at my tender internal organs. Hubby did not enjoy his meal very much either--EPIC FAIL in the food department.

Now my next bit of torture will come tonight as we take DD and 3 of her friends to Chuck E Cheese for some birthday fun. PLEASEFORTHELOVEOFGODSHOOTMENOW!!!!!!!

I will need copious amounts of alcohol to make it thru this night. Help Momma out----Send Vodka!!!

I had the right to remain silent....I did not have the ability

2009-03-27T09:00:00.001-07:00

The best line EVER from Ron White!!! Hubby and I are going to see him tonight at the Stranahan! We're going to the 10:30 show because he should be good and drunk by then! We've seen him before and I swear to you, I peed my pants.

Not everyone enjoys his sense of humor, but I get a kick out of him.

Details on his "Behavioral Problems" show to come!

Rob Porn

2009-03-26T06:51:00.001-07:00
Thanks to the ladies at "Letters to Rob" for this beautiful picture of my future love slave!!

I'm officially a bitch....wait--I passed bitch a long time ago. I'm SUPERBITOCH

2009-03-17T08:37:00.000-07:00
OK--sorry that it's been a while, but nothing is going on in my life so I shan't bore you with trivial things. But seeing as I surpassed bitch and moved right into SUPERBIOTCH, I thought I'd share.

I am a horrible horrible person...why you ask? Well, it's because I will not donate money to a funeral plaque/supper.

Why Amy, you ARE a horrible person you say--well, I guess I am. But first--some background.

Said reciever of "gift" is not my friend. We are together in social settings with other joint friends in my neighborhood. That's it. We don't call each other to chat, we don't hang out at each other's homes. We do the polite "nod and wave" if we are at a function, but no attempt to be other than courteous to each other applies.

Last August, said person had a baby. I was feeling nice and generous back then--I bought the new child a gift and made garlic bread and a dessert for a dinner that was taken to her. I was not invited to her shower, or other gathering for the pending birth, but I still felt like being nice for some reason (no you cannot hold it to me that I can be nice--I'm not nice--I'm a bitch).

Let's see--it's been almost 8 MONTHS since I gave the gift and I have yet to get a verbal or written Thank you. RUDE RUDE RUDE little person. I handed her the gift mind you--not a "drop off"--and she didn't even thank me when taking it from my hand.

I am such a horrible bitch that I even called her on her shit at another group function--about how I saw a birth announcement and thank you card at another mutal friend's home and that did she lose my address? (I live 2 blocks from her mind you--no stamp was even required--she could have stuck it in my door).

She had the NERVE to inform me that she was so busy with the new baby and her husband and her other son--she didn't have TIME (she doesn't work outside the home mind you). I replied that I have a child, a husband a FULL time job outside the home and somehow I still managed to fins time to get her a gift. I then walked away from her and we have not spoken since.

Said person's Grandfather died over the weekend. I found out thru the other friends--who had all received texts and phone calls that he passed. I was not personally informed at all--fine, we're not friends, I'm ok with that. Sorry Grandpa passed--rest in peace dude.

I get an email--sent out to the "friend group" that donations for a supper and gift were to be given to email sender by Tuesday --just give what you always do for things like this and let me know if you can go to the funeral as a show of support for our friend.

RECORD SCRATCH---- WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Excuse me???? I'm freaking floored. I decided to be polite and give a courtesy reply that I would not be contributing at all---so that they would not buy things planning on getting money from me--and no one get's stuck with my portion. I don't feel that I need to be involved in this due to the fact that we are not friends, barely aquaintences AND I'm frankly still pissed that she regards me so little that she cannot even be bothered to thank me for the last gift I sent.

I was sent back an email saying "Thanks for your COURTESY" With Courtesy--being typed in italics, bolded and "quoted". WTF with that ??????

OK--so have I moved into SUPERBIOTCH mode or am I justified??????

Sigh....it's Friday--payday Friday to be exact

2009-02-27T06:38:00.000-08:00
OK--so today was my first paycheck with my employer induced "Voluntary" hour reductions on it. OMG! I really didn't realize that my check would go down THAT much only working 4 days a week--but for God's sake, it's quite a shock.

Thank God I had my "banked" commissions also payout with this check--but that cleared out my bank and in 2 weeks (with no business coming in) I will freak out when my "salary" check is the only thing I have.

OK world--shape up, pull your head out and get business back going again--momma needs to make a mortgage payment!

Will this recession EVER end?

Mid-Life Crisis....I'm having one

2009-02-24T06:41:00.000-08:00
OK--so I think this is what a mid-life crisis feels like--or it's the beginning of a major depression.

I hate everything.

This last year or so has been one of the worst financially, spiritually, mentally etc. and I no longer have the strength to deal with it. My job sucks (at least I have one, but it still sucks), my home life sucks, we're slipping into dire straights and I have no one to talk to about it. I cannot say ANYTHING to the husband without him taking great offense. I know he feels like crap about the job situation (or lack there of) but I don't see him doing much of anything to fix that and to be honest, I'm pissed--looking for a job IS your job--do it--quit waiting for it to come to you. The person I should be able to share my fears with just shuts me down. I hate this kind of life.

If it were not for my daughter, I would pack up my shit and leave. Not just because of the hubby--but because of everything. I'm feeling "lost", confused, anxious--I feel a wanderlust forming--I have to get away from here, but have no idea where to go. Or even how to do it. I want a change, I want something new, I want to be anywhere but here. I am not comfortable in my own skin, I need to start over somewhere else--leave all my baggage and just start fresh.

I will not do that to DD--she is my air, my life. But how can I be a good mother to her when all I want to do escape? I put on the smile, I do all the right things on the outside, but on the inside I just want to crawl out of my skin. I feel like a drowning person--I gasp for air everyone in a while, but I just keep getting pulled under by the weight of my life.

It's pretty bad when you cannot even cry anymore. The sweet release of a good crying jag is even far beyond my reach. I am empty.

Inspired!

2009-02-17T10:08:00.000-08:00
Kelley--you have inspired me to clean up the house a little bit and freshen up the blog. So forgive the mess and the changes going on--I'll be playing a bit with the blog layout and seeing if there is anything I think is worth keeping around.

I'm tired of the old look and need something fresh for the coming Springtime--Spring IS coming right? Please God, tell me it's just around the corner!!!!

What Office Supply am I ??????

2009-02-06T06:57:00.001-08:00

You Are a Calculator

No matter what someone tells you, you're likely to focus on facts and data.

You're a highly analytic person. You are only concerned with what you can know for sure.

You look at situations objectively, and you have no problem approaching problems from multiple angles.

You would make a good analyst or investment banker. You are confident enough to make tough calls and hard decisions.

What Office Supply Are You?

Happy Blogaversary to ME

2009-02-05T06:11:00.000-08:00
Wow--one year ago I started this little peek into my insane mind. You know what--I didn't think I would actually do it this long. Not that I post all the time or have great thoughts or insight, but it's been fun and place to "get it all out" sometimes

So--Happy Blogaversary to me!!!

Oh and for God's sake--will it EVER warm up around here? IT was -6 this morning with the wind chills lower than -20. I'm sick of seeing the 6 FEET of snow piled at the end of my driveway from shoveling--I'm tired of snow in general--I'm sick of winter! Blech. End Rant.

25 Random Things--FACEBOOK

2009-01-30T11:47:00.000-08:00
OK--I'm on Facebook--and got tagged--thought I'd share this here too. Do you Facebook?

1) I am an "A" type personality Virgo. For those of you who know me--this is a big old "DUH"

2) This June, I will be married for 20 YEARS--holy cow!

3) I love Lucky Charms cereal

4) I don't have a Gall Bladder anymore

5) When I was 17 years old, I was left home alone for the weekend, I threw one HELL of a party and was still finding beer caps behind furniture a week later.

6) The summer I was 16 a friend and I and her boyfriend got on a plane, flew to Florida for the afternoon and came back the same day. All on his dad's credit card. Guy was 23 years old--why I am not dead by now, I will never know.

7) I will never be able to have the "NO Drugs" talk with my kid--thank God I married a saint so he can do it.

8) I am obsessed with the Twilight Books

9) I like to drive REALLY fast--for those of you who "get it"--I drive like a Cullen

10) I do not drive (too) fast when others are in the car with me--I value their lives more than my own

11) I love pretty much any type of fruit

12) I had a C-Section with my daughter after 26 hours of what is now known as the "labor & Delivery from hell" I don't share my birth stories with "1st timers" too scary.

13) I have worked at my same job for 10 years as of March 15th

14) I wish I had gone to Nursing School--any free money out there for me to go back?

15) I despise Cats

16) I miss my "firstborn" Cocker Spaniel Maverick all the time--he's been gone for almost 4 years.

17) I find my New Dog Chase only tolerable

18) I want to live in Austrailia someday--or at least vacation there for a month

19) I cannot sing to save my soul

20) I cannot draw a straight line with a ruler

21) My best friend is in Florida and I miss her every day. She's going thru some crap and I so want to be there for her. DESPERATELY want to be there for her.

22) I love my "Village Peeps" so much--they have blessed my life in many ways

23) I believe in God the Almighty, but I consider myself a religious "Free Agent"--no ties to any one group, but I believe and I pray daily

24) I can still do shots of Tequilia

25) I took a ROADTRIP with my BFF to Quantico, VA back in '87--our friend was in the Marines and we partied like rock stars with the Marines for 3 days. Best Girlie Road Trip EVER!

Sweet Mother of God....

2009-01-30T08:34:00.000-08:00
OK--color me crazy, but I lost my mind when I heard the news today.

That woman who just gave birth to the 8 babies out in Cali? She has 6 MORE KIDS AT HOME?????????????????WTF??????????????HOLY HELL?????????WHAT THE????????

Let's take a leeeeeeetle walk down the old ETHICS highway here shall we? What Doctor (quack, nut case) would actually give a woman fertility treatments--knowing full well that multiples are the usual outcome--to a woman who already has SIX kids???? I think that license to practise should be thrown out the window--I just don't know--maybe she found some crazy "all for the babies" Dr--or maybe she lied out her ass--I don't know. But no decent Dr. would do that sort of thing. And I personally think she just got "dumped" onto Kaiser Medical to handle the problem once the shit went down--I don't blame that group much.

Now this woman did not have six older kids and this is one of those "Cougar wants to give her new boy toy a baby" families--but a YOUNG woman who already has SIX kids??? God in heaven I cannot even wrap my freaking mind around that crap.

She lives with her mommy and daddy--and the Today Show made it seem like the baby daddy really wasn't in the picture (man I hope that is wrong). Grandpa says that they have some huge house somewhere that they are going to live in where they will never be found--umm, yeah. I saw a pic of what you are living in now--and I'm guessing there are at least NINE of you living in it now--I would have made the move a long time ago.

"No one will find us"? Yeah right--until you start needing all the free shit or the Duggars come and hunt down your ass for stealing their thunder. Do you think TLC has moved in for the kill yet??

Again--I'm stunned

Hello Mr. President and WTF?????????????

2009-01-20T16:54:00.000-08:00
OK--so in respect for the new President, I have removed the "NObama" decal from my car window. He is my President for the next four years and I hope the best for him.

I fired up CNN.com to watch the inaug. at work. I was hoping to be inspired and given a message of some hope for our country's future. I was happy to witness history, but I didn't feel much more than "meh" about his speech--it's already been said, now it's time to "show me".

I was going to turn off the "show" and get back to work when I decided to just let the poem and prayers run in the background--so "glad" I did. The poem didn't make much sense and I didn't really care, but the benediction totally PISSED ME OFF.

The prayer started off on the right foot--but was that man channeling Rev. Wright at the end? WHAT THE HELL was "when all that are WHITE embrace what is RIGHT" about?

Millions of white people put Obama in the White house--millions of white people worked tirelessly on his campaign--why in the hell did he have to ruin what should have been a day of celebration and joining of ALL AMERICANS by playing the race card?

And for "Yellow getting to mellow" go ahead and piss off the Asian population while you are at it.

Getting a new President was going ok for me until that moment--the race card is NEVER a card well played.

12" Should usually be a good thing right?

2009-01-12T13:02:00.000-08:00
But not when it's snow....add that to 3 more inches tonight and 35-40 MPH winds for blizzard conditions and I am OFFICIALLY over winter!

And it's only Jan 12th. Blech

2009

2009-01-05T06:30:00.000-08:00
Well, here we are! 2009, a fresh start, a new year. I hope that this year is a great one for EVERYONE.

I don't make "resolutions", they are only meant to be broken and forgotten--but I do hope to work on my attitude and health this year. I feel I've become a bit of a cranky pants over the last year. I've been under a lot of stress, but we have found a way to survive it and I have to be grateful and turn it over to God that we will continue to "make it".

The stress has taken a toll and I am determined to find a way to get that under control--besides the bottle of wine I have been known to put away on occasion ;p

I want to spend more quality time with quality people--and get rid of the negative people. I got too wrapped up in the "drama" of people who really have no drama, they are clueless in the workings of the "Real world"--and when they get trhown back out into that world, they are going to be in for a RUDE awakening. But that is not my problem anymore--I'm gone from it. They are decent people, but they just don't live my reality and I don't have anything in common with them anymore.

My "quality" people know who they are. I am grateful for such fun people in my life. They "get" me. It's ok if we don't talk for days, we fall right back into the routine, there is not the need to be all up in each other's crap all the time--"neediness" is not in the vocabulary--they are strong women, they stand on their own and don't need the approval of a group to make it thru the day. I love them dearly!

Life isn't perfect for them either, we bitch to each other about it, do something and move on--we "deal", we coach each other on how to cope, but we all make our own decisions and go on with the business of living a good life. YEAH US!!!

OK--I'm rambling in my own mental way--but that's ok. My wish for all of you is health, happiness and peace for 2009!

In Loving Memory....

2008-12-27T08:53:00.000-08:00

"Bud"
June 5, 1939 - December 27, 2006

High Flight
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untresspassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee
No 412 squadron, RCAF
Killed 11 December 1941

Ending "Normal"

2008-12-26T16:14:00.000-08:00
Today is December 26th--as of 2006, that day will always mark the end of "normal". You see, that was the last day I talked to my (step)dad, the last day he was alive.

December 27th 2006, Bud was killed in a plane crash in Mt. Gilead, OH. Bud had been in my life since I was 14 years old, my mom and he were married for over 20 years. He was there for all the big events in my life and he replaced a father who disappeared from the lives of me and my brothers and sister. He was a gentle giant of a man 6'5" and skiiny as a rail--but he filled the room with his laugh and smile. He looked like a giant amongst us small "Mitchell" kids and my Mom is only 5'2" on a good day. It was quite the sight to see.

I got the call that evening of December 27th--we had just sat down to dinner. The phone rang and I answered--it was my Mom. "Amy, is (DH) home with you?" I could tell something was wrong. She asked again if I had someone home with me. I said yes, DH was here, what's going on? My Mom broke down crying and told me there had been an accident--the plane went down and Bud was gone. The highway patrol was with her at her work and they were taking her home. I needed to come out to the house right away.

All I remeber was falling down onto the couch, the plate in my hand fell onto the table. Dh kept saying, what is wrong, what is wrong? I could barely get the words out of my mouth. I sent DD out of the room. My Mom was a mess, I had to be the one to call my brother's and sister and let them know. How I made those calls, I have no idea--I just went numb. My brother's were in shock--I told them to come home. I didn't reach my sister, but I had to tell her DH--and I was glad that he would be the one to tell her, because Marisa was the closest to Bud and I just could not bear to hear her cry right then.

I then went into a "do something mode"--I had too. I'm the oldest, I'm a Virgo, I had to "fix it", I had to make it right.

That drive to my Mom's was the longest of my life--but we made it in record time. her friends had begun to gather at the house. I walked into the kitchen, saw her face and I lost it--but I pulled myself together so I could get the whole story. I knew my mom was in shock--so I called the Dr. Neighbor to see if he could get her something. Then I got the number for the Coroner and Highway patrol in Mt. Gilead so I could get the story from them.

The details are too horrible and too fresh, I sit here and cry just reliving them in my head. But how does a plane with a pilot with 6000 flight hours and another pilot who was United Airlines retired at the helm just fall out of the sky? The FAA says they must have done something wrong--but the wreckage was too severe to give many clues. This flight was a simple insurance "flight check", but it ended the lives of 2 men and destroyed the lives of many others.

The next few weeks were a blur, but I had things to handle: a funeral to help plan, insurance companies to contact, a family to comfort and trying to keep from losing my mind.

We didn't have a body to bury--the FAA held him for a second autopsy--but we had direct cremation. A giant of a man, placed into one small square urn and little/smaller boxes for each of us kids. I have barely glanced at the Urn in my Mom's room, I cannot bring myself to take my box home--I cannot steel myself from the flood of emotion that overwhelms me when I think about it.

I still miss him every day. DD has Bud's harmonica, she keeps it on a special shelf next to a dove from one of the floral arrangements from the funeral home. Every once in a while, she plays it--Bud was teaching her how before he died--I still stop in my tracks at the sound and my heart breaks again.

The first year was spent "doing" and "asking" and trying to deal with the FAA and find out "why"--and dealing with all of those "firsts" without Bud there. This second year seems to have been harder--the stuff that needs to get "done" is done, there had been nothing to keep us pre-occupied. There are only the memories and the sudden "gut punch" that hits you when you know how great it would have been for Bud to be here--or how much he loved doing things--or what he would have said in that occasion.

We laugh a little bit more than we cry, we show the new babies in the family pictures of Papa and tell them who he is, we look at small planes going overhead and we don't always shudder.

We have a new "normal" now.

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-24T05:52:00.001-08:00
Ahhh--Christmas Eve.

The crazy is over, now it's just time to wait...and do you know how long this day is going to be with a bouncing off the walls 7 year old? It doesn't matter, the joy and excitement in her eyes is worth every bit of "How much longer?, Is it time?, I don't want to go to bed, I CAN'T go to sleep" that will drive me to the edge of madness today.

I am meeting a friend for lunch--that will be a nice break and I don't have to look at my office until Monday--an even better break!

I wish all of you (my 3 readers--haha) a wonderful and blessed Christmas. I hope Santa is good to each and every one of you. Most important, may you receive the BEST gift of all--being surrounded by those you love!

LG

Humbled........

2008-12-18T05:59:00.000-08:00
So yesterday I awoke to the lovely deposit of 4 inches of snow in my area--and, of course, I had to make a trip to Cleveland for work. It never seems to fail that there is horrible winter weather for these trips this time of year.

Yesterday's trip was different though--our company was going to work in a soup kitchen in downtown Cleveland. We decided that in these hard times, a blow-out Christmas party at work wasn't necessary when there are so many others in need.

We all gathered at St. Herman's--it's a Greek Orthodox Monastery and Father Vladimir was right out of Greek Mythology himself--he kind of scared me actually--bearded, stern, you did what he said to do!

Despite a early morning water main break in Cleveland, We prepared a wonderful, hearty soup, salad, garlic bread and dessert for about 90 people. As we were preparing, Fr. V invited us to join the Monastery for "prayers". He kept saying "prayers"--so I figured it would be PRAYERS right? A few of my co-workers and I went into their chapel. I would guess about 20 other homeless had gathered--along with the monastery's newest members--8 puppies from the Dorothy the "house dog" and her mate. They were the cutest thing and added so much joy to the place with their playing and fighting with each other. I was amazed at the acceptance of pets at the shelter--Fr. V said that animals are all some of these men have left, so they are allowed to stay.

So--anyway, we go in for PRAYER. Prayers it was not my friends. It was an entire Greek Orthodox Mass--communion and all. This was fine of course--until Fr. V started passing out things to 3 of us. Guess who he decided was going to read scripture during the mass? Yes, you guessed it--ME and 2 of my co-workers.

People, I have to tell you, I feared for the life of everyone in that room when it came my turn to read the 3rd scripture (or whatever they call the reading before the gospel--Catholics only have 2 readings, so I was confused). I have no problem public speaking and having done my time in Catholic school for 12 years, I was comfortable--but I have not set foot in a church in so long, I was afraid God might smite me and in turn, kill all the innocents around me. All went well and no lighting bolts rained down--all were safe--whew!

The mass was over and we headed off to the kitchen to begin serving the meal. People were actually lined up around the building waiting for lunch to be ready. The people who walked through that door broke my heart. They are you and me--just one step in another direction. Some people you would have sworn would be working right along side you at your job. Others were lost souls--their eyes so sad and lacking hope.

What broke my heart was one little girl who came into the line with her mother. She was beautiful and had the face of an angel. Her mother had such a brave face, but the look of despair in her eyes made me realize that all mothers are the same. We only want the best for our children and we all hurt when we cannot provide everything we want for them. Why this little girl was not in school just about destroyed me. I would think she was about 9, but when you have no real home, how do you enroll for school and how do you explain to a 9 year old why she cannot go to school or why you don't have a permanent place to stay?

I talked with people in that room--some told me their stories, others just looked into their plates and would not meet my gaze. Job loss, family problems, death of a spouse or children, drugs, alcohol, mental illness--it all plays a part in the fabric of despair and homelessness. God bless the monks/Fathers at St. Herman's for taking in these people and trying to give them a better life.

The amazing thing about our guests was that THEY came up and asked God to bless US for serving them, providing them food and drink--they showed great appreciation for the meal, they wished US Merry Christmas. I was overcome. They have lost so much, yet blessed us with their love.

We went there to serve--both our fellow man and God yesterday, but I think we all walked away with a sense of how lucky we are and how grateful to God (or your preferred Deity) we should be for what we have. I don't think any of us realize how close we are to being in that soup line.

St Herman's of Alaska feeds men, women and children 3 times a day and houses men in shifts. They have 28 dorm beds that are always full. Monks live at and maintain the monastery and serve the homeless with everything they have. They always need help or donations to keep their programs running. They help with schooling and rehabilitation of those who want to get their lives back on track. This is a drug and alcohol free environment. IF you are in the area, you might consider helping those who are doing so much to serve others.

God Bless the people I met yesterday.........

Twilight

2008-12-15T08:17:00.001-08:00

OK--I went and finally saw this yesterday. Is it wrong to be crushing on a boy that is a whole person old enought to vote younger than me?

Robert Pattinson is HAWT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moive was pretty good--stays true to the book for the most part. I do have to say that New Moon--the movie will be quite a bit less interesting without Edward in 90% of the show. HE has such a minor part in that book--up until the end anyway. Not sure I could get into a movie with just Bella and Jacob for the most part.

I asked for Breaking Dawn for Christmas, because I really couldn't think of much more I wanted--but I REALLY don't think I can wait to read it. I've read some spoilers and I really want to read the book.

Can I borrow someones copy and "secret squirrel" read it???--then I can be happy--and still be excited about getting my own copy from Santa!!!

Goodbye Starbucks--Heeelllllllloooooo Speedway???

2008-12-04T06:29:00.001-08:00
OK--since I am of "the poor", Starbucks is just not in my budget--and forget McDonalds--their "McCafe" is sludge and just as expensive. But I have found a NEW love--and I am very surprised!

In a moment of complete exhaustion and desperation, I whipped into the Speedway on Conant to get some sort of morning sustenance. Did you know they have a full BUFFET of coffee and products????? They have a Double Mocha Capp. AND a SHOCKWAVE Mocha capp. ENERGY DRINK AS COFFEE--Praise be!!!!

I wasn't expecting much for .99--but to my complete surprise--it was GOOOOOOOOD. Add my Splenda and a International Delight French Vanilla creamer and sister is ready to roll!! There is a whole "condiment" station with every type of flavored creamer/sugar/substitute you can think of--HEAVEN!!!! No wonder Starbucks is in the toilet. Now, the snob in me still would still like to have a Biggby Mocha Mocha every once in a while--but this will do just nicely!!

So--in these hard economic times--I hope you give your wallet a break and try one.

Turkey Day Karma and other musings

2008-12-01T07:42:00.000-08:00
OK--so the heater is fixed--yeah! We had that going for us and we had a really nice weekend before the Thanksgiving crazy began--good quality family time--relaxing.

Then Karma decided to rear her ugly head and be a bitch.....I guess complaining about having to suffer thru cats and insanity came back to bite my ass in the way of a KIDNEY STONE PASSING. I spent Monday and Tuesday puking my guts out from pain. Wednesday, I dragged myself into work for a bit so I could still pimp out the holiday pay--then I returned to my bed. I didn't go to my in-laws (and hubby in his self centered little way was pissed). So I got out of one form of suffering, but having to suffer in another way. Whatever.

Saw my family for a little bit on Friday and then went back home to my bed--where I stayed until Sunday afternoon. I have to say, I am feeling a little bit better--the stone has moved out of the kidney area and more down into the groin. Is this an overshare?????????? anyhow--from what I remember of the other stone I passed--this puppy should be working it's way "out" sometime this week. In the meantime--I get to pee into a strainer to try and catch the little sucker so the Dr's can test it. YEEEEHAAA! It sucks getting old.

The upside to all of this is I didn't indulge in the usual food gorging of 2008--and with all the puking, I am down 10 lbs!!!!! Now, the trick is to keep it off!

Facebook.....whoever got me started on that should be shot--I'm addicted!!

Mork and Mindy Reruns ALL DAY on Friday--why in the hell did we think that show was so good back then???? I had a "Epic Hair Fail" moment when I saw Mindy with the one ponytail pulled over to one side of her head--OMG--so embarassed that I ever did that!!

Neighbors got a new puppy and I got to see it yesterday--so darn cute--such a face. He's a Westie--I'm in lurve with him!

I'm spent!

THANK YOU Mr. Bush

2008-11-21T07:35:00.001-08:00
Well, at least in my house, today you did a great thing! Thank you for extending the extension on the Unemployment payments. We will have a way to eat AND to have a warm house for the next 13 weeks.

Furnace totally went out on Tuesday--so we have had nights in the upper teens here in NW Ohio--and it's been damn cold in the house. Furnace motor is supposed to be installed this afternoon (keep your fingers crossed)--so maybe we will have heat throughout the whole house instead of just one room at a time. (I felt so "little house on the praire")

We were really struggling with how we were going to have the $$ to make all the bills and the furnace motor--but with a little robbing of Peter to pay Paul, we should be ok until the Unemployment kicks back in.

It would better if they would pay retroactively so we could get caught back up--but beggers cannot be choosers--we'll gladly take the government hand out at this point.

It bothers DH to have to take what he is considering "welfare" from Uncle Sam--but I told him, you have paid DEARLY in taxes for many a year (over 2 decades)--we don't live beyond our means and we are not having 20 kids and making welfare our way of life. Times are hard--but this too shall pass. Job hunting sucks and it's been over a year--depression sets in--but this too shall pass.

I hope Mr. Obama had a magic wand to fix the economy (I doubt it), or else many other people are going to be in my shoes in the coming months. He preached a platform of change--but I have seen nothing but the "Clinton Years" rear their ugly head so far. I wouldn't want to be in Obama's shoes...

Posting has been far and few between--so I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving-blessings to you and your families--just in case I don't post before then.

Peace

God seems to enjoy testing me.......

2008-11-14T08:10:00.000-08:00
Ok God, I get it.....enough already ok?

1) Hubby still has no job--trying to make his own business work
2) Holidays are coming--I hate them
3) Bills are piling in with no money to pay them
4) Furnace guy informs us last night that the furnace motor is going--1 bearing is bad--the other is hanging on by a thread. Cost to fix? 100.00 just to give me the bad news.....$700 to replace the motor.

FUCK ME!

Can't get a break....

2008-11-07T08:10:00.000-08:00
THE LIST--the g-damn LIST!

They have already started calling for THE LIST. I figured I would have at least 3 more weeks of peace and quite. It's like everyone is trying to gang up on me at once!

MOTHER is still not speaking to me--but leaves a message on the machine for Baby Lurker--talking only to her and asking if she would like to go see a production of Peter Pan. Ending it with "Ask your parents if you can go and call Grandma back and let her know" Passive Agressive much woman? God help me.

Then the calls start coming in from THE SIL about what Baby Lurker wants for Christmas--then from the MIL, and she says to get the other SIL a LIST too. Christ on the Cross--if I survive until Thanksgiving it will be a miracle.

SPent 6 hours in a dark room last night trying to get rid of a migrane--so much fun. I think I am under way too much stress.

Thanksgiving Part 2--Mothers and other frustrations

2008-11-05T06:03:00.000-08:00
OK--so now that I have cracked on the out-laws (Cracked on? Christ--did I just time travel back to the late 80's or what?)

Anyheeew. MY FAMILY--not quite as full on crazy as the out-laws, but mildly insane just the same. My 2 brothers and sister all live far away from our birth place and our Mother (lucky bastards).

Now when we get together it's a pretty simple, modest affair. Mother hounds us endlessly beginning about August for the EXACT date/time/second that we would be available to do Thanksgiving at her house.

Side Bar: Dear Brother #1 lives in the Columbus area and Dear Sister has hauled her ass to the Indianapolis area--away from all family on both sides (how they got that sweet deal, I'll never know). Dear Baby Brother lives near his Out-laws in the Cleveland area. His MIL is a nurse and works odd holidays, so sometimes we take in his wife's family (a sister, a brother and the odd current date of the moment) as refugees for the holidays that the Mama has to work. They are a nice family and it all works out just fine.

But back to my MOTHER (say it with teenage angst--I still have issues). She is relentless in her need to control what cannot be controlled--especially in all areas that concern her grown adult children. We all have families of our own--and dammnit, would it kill her to let us have a holiday moment to ourselves? Yes, actually, I think it would.

Each one of us is seperately hounded so that she can make HER plans for the holidays. RUE THE DAY that one part of the puzzle doesn't comply with her wishes--and since I am the person who lives closest to her, I am the one who suffers the most. (Yes DB#1, I know you had to basically put out fire that would have burnt down the surrounding neighbors homes last month---but it doesn't make up for the daily crazy I put up with for her).

I get an update almost daily about who is going where, and doing what and why so and so cannot make it or why so and so SHOULD make it, but doesn't want to blah blah blah.

I have said that she should just pick a day, tell eveyone what day, and those who RSVP will be coming, those who don't won't be coming and to LET IT REST!! We all live in different places, we all have different lives--LET IT BE WOMAN.

This year, the stars have all aligned and EVERYONE is coming on Friday. We have been given our part of the food to bring--all is right in the world correct???

NO

I get a call the other night...from the MOTHER...asking me about the plans for Christmas. I tell her that the plans are the same freaking plans we have had for the last 20 years. She's all --oh, I though they might have changed things? I say "Why in the hell would they have changed things?--and why in the hell are you now badgering me about Chistmas--can't we just get thru Thanksgiving first????"

Some how I am now a bitch and she's not talking to me. So, if anyone has room at their house on Thanksgiving, I will be making Whipped Chive potatos, Dinner rolls and Cranberry/Orange salad and would be happy to bring them to YOUR house.....

Holidays and other frustrations

2008-11-04T07:57:00.001-08:00
Kelley at Kelly's Case de Chaos got me thinking about the up coming holidays and to be honest I DREAD this time of year.

Nothing about the holidays makes me really happy. My only joy is seeing my daughter's anticipation of the season and her waking up on Christmas morning filled with excitement and joy.

The rest of the time can just suck it!

Since these will be long drawn out sob stories, I'll do them little by little--We begin with Thanksgiving at the Out-laws:

For the last 20 years (20 years--holy shit) we have spent Thanksgiving with my in-laws. This means too much food and me sitting in a corner high on the annual overdose of allergiy meds just so I can function (barely) in a house filled with 4 cats. (I am horribly allergic to cats--when the first cat they had died, I felt nothing but relief--but then MIL brought home 2 cats from the farm in Indy and then took in 2 more cats when Grandma passed away. I secretly think she took great joy in adding to my misery).

I do not enjoy Thanksgiving one bit because I still end up miserable--and spend the next week recovering from it--people who don't have severe allergies just don't get how much it affects people who do. It's horrible--even high on meds, my chest tightens up, I lose my voice, I sneeze, the eyes water, the nose runs--IT SUCKS. I made it thru ok when there was just one cat--but 4 is too much for me to handle. I cannot even ask her to put the cats in a back bedroom--because according to her--that is CRUEL. But fuck what it does to me right?

Then after dinner we are forced to provide THE LIST. THE LIST my friends is a LIST of things we all want for Christmas--stuff we do not need, nor really want, but a LIST MUST BE PROVIDED. Last year, hubby had just lost his job--so we said we would NOT be providing a list, nor would we be purchasing for the adults. The niece and nephew would recieve a gift--but not the GROWN ADULTS WHO CAN BUY THEIR OWN SHIT--ahem.

We asked that we not be given anything as we were all set. They could buy something for DD if they wanted too--but nothing CRAZY. OH MY SHIT--they lost their minds. Not a one of them could understand WHY we had to cut back--jeezsus chrimeny people--your brother HAS NO JOB! We need a roof over our heads and food on the table--I don't need another crappy sweater that I hate and is not my taste.

You have to understand that these people do not really see or talk to each other thru out the year--the only time they "show love" is thru the purchase of THINGS. I swear to you--if I'm lying, I'm dying--it has NEVER taken less than 4 hours to open Christmas gifts at the outlaws. And this was before there were small children.

Spending $200 PER PERSON was not unheard of--and it was EXPECTED. DH has his parents, 1 brother and 2 sisters and all of their spouses--and it was expected that all people would receive a multitude of gifts from every person. This foolishness happened the weekend before Christmas because the parents went to Indy to celebrate with J's family. They could not even be around the family for the actual holiday--but we have to spend over $1000 on people just to "show how much" they mean to us.

It was fun at first--I never lived in a family who did that kind of thing--my parents said "The baby Jesus only got 3 presents--why do you think you deserve anything more than that?" So 3 presents it was--plus what ever we got from Grandparents and Uncles.

I had never seen so many gifts in one place. But--like everything in excess, the novelty wore off and I began to dread it. The hunting for gifts, the wasted money the foolishness and greed. One Thanksgiving, I tried to say--hey, lets draw names amonst the adult children and keep this under control--I was called everything but a human by a sister-in-law.

I was told by her to shut up and deal with it.

And the holiday was ruined for me after that.

To Be Continued..........